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Many can’t speak or present well in public. Some people think that it is important to speak well in public, so the training should be from school. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many can’t speak or present well in public. Some people think that it is important to speak well in public, so the training should be from school. v. 1
It is argued by many that schools are responsible for teaching the necessary social skills. I completely agree with this view, in my opinion, there is already ample evidence that suggest in favor of this idea. In this essay, I shall analyse and outline relevant examples and reasoning to support this side of viewpoint. To start with, there are numerous predominant factors, why this is a positive development. Firstly, at the young age, it is much easier to learn new concepts than later in life. For example, a recent study conducted at the Stanford University, showed that if children start working on their social skills at an early age, than they are five times more likely to succeed in it. These findings clearly illustrate the impact it could have on the people. Secondly, some students struggle with speech issues due to underlying health ailment and require that special care and attention is given to them at school. In such a case, if care is not provided, often times they end up developing lifelong problems, as they started their treatment too late. Furthermore, it could give a great opportunity to build a stronger base in public speaking or social skills. As working on these skills in schools, allow plenty of time to improve. In conclusion, this is a topic which raises many questions in the contemporary life. From the given arguments and examples, I am inclined to say that it is a wise choice support this movement and incorporating changes suggested above.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that schools are responsible for teaching the necessary social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, in my opinion, there is already ample evidence that suggest in favor of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In this essay, I shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
and outline relevant examples and reasoning to support this side of viewpoint.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are numerous predominant factors, why this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
Firstly
, at the young age, it is much easier to learn new concepts than later in life.
For example
, a recent study conducted at the Stanford University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that if children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working on their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at an early age, than they are five times more likely to succeed in it. These findings
clearly
illustrate the impact it could have on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students struggle with speech issues due to underlying health ailment and require that special care and attention is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them at school. In such a case, if care is not provided,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up developing lifelong problems, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their treatment too late.
Furthermore
, it could give a great opportunity to build a stronger base in public speaking or social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. As working on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in schools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

In conclusion
, this is a topic which raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions in the contemporary life. From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
arguments and examples, I
am inclined
to say that it is a wise choice support this movement and incorporating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
suggested above.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Many can’t speak or present well in public. Some people think that it is important to speak well in public, so the training should be from school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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