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Many believe that the advancement in science and technology has made an earth a better place to live. However, others argue that these rapid advancements will be an ultimate threat to mankind in the long-run. Express your opinion.

Many believe that the advancement in science and technology has made an earth a better place to live. However, others argue that these rapid advancements will be an ultimate threat to mankind in the long-run. Express your opinion. lRrm9
Human beings have done a tremendous progress in the fields of science and technology. Science and technology have made our life easier as compared to the previous decades. However, there is a heated debate upon whether the use of science and technology will benefit us in the long run or not. Personally, I believe that the rapid advancement in the fields of science and technology will surely act as a threat to mankind in the coming years; if the humans do not use it in a proper manner. Technology is changing our way of living and our thinking towards the external world. In the name of making the world a global village through the use of social media sites, people are using technology in both negative and positive ways. In the recent days, the cases of cyber bullying, hacking, phishing, etc. have affected the mental and emotional health of the victims. Similarly, the overuse of technology such as online games is harming the mental wellbeing of the users. Also, the dependency on technology makes people lazy and inactive that adversely affects their physical health. To meet the demand of the current population of the world, scientists invented chemical fertilizers and pesticides that increase the yield of crops in the farms. However, the use of these chemicals is deteriorating the quality of the environment as well as affecting the health of the organisms. Particularly, the invention of Artificial Intelligence can pose a great threat to the mankind in the near future. Although Artificial Intelligence can make human lives easier, they can also make it worse with their self-replication features. To conclude, the advancement in science and technology can pose a great threat to the mankind in the future if the humans are not conscious about its use.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
beings have done
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "tremendous progress".
a tremendous progress
in the fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have made our life easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the previous decades.
However
, there is a heated debate upon whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will benefit us in the long run or not.
Personally
, I believe that the rapid advancement in the fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
surely
act as a threat to mankind in the coming years; if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
Consider replacing "in a proper manner" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper manner
.

Technology is changing our way of living and our thinking towards the external world. In the name of making the world a global village through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social media sites,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways. In the recent days, the cases of
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, hacking, phishing, etc. have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the mental and emotional health of the victims.
Similarly
, the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as online games is harming the mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of the users.
Also
, the dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lazy and inactive that
adversely
affects their physical health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
population of the world, scientists invented chemical fertilizers and pesticides that increase the yield of crops in the farms.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these chemicals is deteriorating the quality of the environment
as well
as affecting the health of the organisms.
Particularly
, the invention of Artificial Intelligence can pose a great threat to the mankind in the near future. Although Artificial Intelligence can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier, they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it worse with their self-replication features.

To conclude
, the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can pose a great threat to the mankind in the future if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are not conscious about its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS essay Many believe that the advancement in science and technology has made an earth a better place to live. However, others argue that these rapid advancements will be an ultimate threat to mankind in the long-run. Express your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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