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athletic and entertainers stars highly income

athletic and entertainers stars highly income weL3r
Due to the high income that some stars receive nowadays, many people believe that this is overdrawn. Personally, I reckon that those stars, in contrast to engineers and teachers, get much more than they deserve because they don't offer a unique content and their impact on societies are mainly negative. Firstly, in spite of some people enjoy the content that musical or sport stars offer, I bet that many consider it sounds to be silly and waste of time. In light of this, watching a film or a soccer match won't have any enriching information besides wasting the effort and energy. Furthermore, while sometimes the impact that they make on people are limited, the vast majority of their influence is harmful intellectually and emotionally. For example, once the kids watch a crime movie, their brain will think in the same manner because they aren't mature enough to distinguish good and evil behavior; therefore, societies is highly vulnerable to crime increase in such situations. Secondly, as many professions have positive consequences on community, they deserve much more that this category of stars. For instance, engineers spend enormous time trying to resolve the most intricate phenomenon in order to invent new patent to serve the human being. Thus, if they were rewarded financially, this would have beneficial effects on societies in general. Moreover, teachers are the most important element in the educational process. In light of this, generation would not be well-raised and well-educated unless was the teacher satisfied economically. In conclusion, because of the deficiency of content and impact that number of stars makes, plethora of people argue that they receive high income. I believe that, entertainer and athletic stars salaries have to be reduced drastically and harnessed to support various fruitful occupations like engineers and teachers.
Due to the high income that
some
stars
receive nowadays,
many
people
believe that this is overdrawn.
Personally
, I reckon that those
stars
,
in contrast
to engineers and
teachers
,
get
much more than they deserve
because
they don't offer a unique content and their impact on societies are
mainly
negative
.

Firstly
,
in spite of
some
people
enjoy the content that musical or sport
stars
offer, I bet that
many
consider it sounds to be silly and waste of time. In light of this, watching a film or a soccer match won't have any enriching information
besides
wasting the effort and energy.
Furthermore
, while
sometimes
the impact that they
make
on
people
are limited
, the vast majority of their influence is harmful
intellectually
and
emotionally
.
For example
, once the kids
watch
a crime movie, their brain will
think
in the same manner
because
they aren't mature
enough
to distinguish
good
and evil behavior;
therefore
, societies is
highly
vulnerable to crime increase in such situations.

Secondly
, as
many
professions have
positive
consequences on community, they deserve much more that this category of
stars
.
For instance
, engineers spend enormous time trying to resolve the most intricate phenomenon in order to invent new patent to serve the human being.
Thus
, if they
were rewarded
financially
, this would have beneficial effects on societies
in general
.
Moreover
,
teachers
are the most
important
element in the educational process. In light of this, generation would not be well-raised and well-educated unless was the
teacher
satisfied
economically
.

In conclusion
,
because
of the deficiency of content and impact that number of
stars
makes
, plethora of
people
argue that they receive high income. I believe that, entertainer and athletic
stars
salaries
have to
be
reduced
drastically
and harnessed to support various fruitful occupations like engineers and
teachers
.
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IELTS essay athletic and entertainers stars highly income

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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