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Outdoor recreation such as mountain climbing, camping and hiking brings us closer to nature and are ideal activities to encourage family bonding. Discuss

Outdoor recreation such as mountain climbing, camping and hiking brings us closer to nature and are ideal activities to encourage family bonding. Discuss gbQl7
For me, I strongly believe that outdoor recreation such as mountain climbing, camping and hiking brings us closer to nature and are ideal activities to encourage family bonding. There are 2 main ideas of this opinion. First, outdoor recreation brings us closer to nature. In Vietnam, air pollution is getting more and more serious. So that, when families come to nature, they can enjoy fresh air from Mother Nature. Also, nature is diverse. We can discover more about nature and find out the importance of nature together with families. Children will learn how to protect the environment and raise them. We will have more opportunities to know why nature is important for our life. And the last idea is outdoor recreation are ideal activities to encourage family bonding. After every busy day, parents can spend vacations to go on a trip with their children. During the trip, all family members can take care of each other and do many activities together which help every member in the family feel more relaxed, no more stresses. For example, camping means everybody sits together around the campfire, talks to each other about their daily life, eats S'mores and builds up the tent. Biking or hiking can increase health and they are ideal activities to encourage family bonding. Those activities are a good chance to bring all the members in the family together. Nowadays, such activities are not getting attention from every family but those will strengthen family bonds, also raising the environment-protecting consciousness of people. In conclusion, outdoor recreation brings us not only closer to each other but to the environment itself.
For me, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreation
such as mountain climbing, camping and hiking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
us closer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
and are ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding.

There are 2 main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of this opinion.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
us closer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. In Vietnam, air pollution is getting more and more serious.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, they can enjoy fresh air from Mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nature
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
is diverse. We can discover more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
and find out the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Children will learn how to protect the environment and raise them. We will have more opportunities to know why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for our life.

And the last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreation
are ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding. After every busy day, parents can spend vacations to go on a trip with their children. During the trip, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members can take care of each other and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
together which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
every member in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
feel more relaxed, no more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
For example
, camping means everybody sits together around the campfire, talks to each other about their daily life, eats S'mores and builds up the tent. Biking or hiking can increase
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they are ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
all the members in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
together.

Nowadays, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not getting attention from every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those will strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds,
also
raising the environment-protecting consciousness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
us not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
closer to each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to the environment itself.
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IELTS essay Outdoor recreation such as mountain climbing, camping and hiking brings us closer to nature and are ideal activities to encourage family bonding. Discuss

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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