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MANY BELIEVE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROTECT ALL WILD ANIMALS ,WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROTECT SOME , NOT ALL OF THEM

MANY BELIEVE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROTECT ALL WILD ANIMALS, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROTECT SOME, NOT ALL OF THEM KYg9N
With the increase in global warming and escalation in the climate change process, A new debate arises on whether to protect all wild animals or some according to their vulnerability. Here, I will discuss both these ideas and in the conclusion, I will state my opinion and the reasons I consider for that. Firstly, people who favour the protection of overall animal species considered that the death of any animals leads to disturbance in the food chain. Further, this food change connects the food web which results in scarcity of food for wild animals which are present at higher-order in the food web. For instance, a recent study by the discovery channel finds out that a large no of frog death in gorest directly impacted the prey of cheetah in wild. So the life of wild animals is linked with one another. Secondly, people who prefer the protection of some endangered/vulnerable animals think it’s superficial to protect all the animals. Access to the cost involved and manpower required to travel each species is very high. Moreover, they aim to have a pilot programme completely specific to species facing survival threats. For instance, the Indian government started the project tiger in 1972 on this particular thought process. Therefore, a selective Approach leads to a spillover effect on other species which are located at the lower end of the food chain. According to my opinion, some animals requires more protection than others. As government have a scarcity of resources, so it's an intelligent decision to have a specific approach toward endangered animals. Further, there is a need to properly access and collect data about other animals so that if they face survival challenges due to hazardous conditions. They can be properly provided protection beforehand.
With the increase in global warming and escalation in the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
process, A new debate arises on whether to protect all wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
according to their vulnerability. Here, I will discuss both these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and in the conclusion, I will state my opinion and the reasons I consider for that.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
of
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species considered that the death of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
leads to disturbance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain.
Further
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
connects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
web which results in scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are present at higher-order in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
web.
For instance
, a recent study by the discovery channel finds out that a large
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
of frog death in
Possible spelling mistake found.
gorest
directly
impacted the prey of cheetah in wild.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the life of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is linked
with one another.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered/vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s superficial to protect all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Access to the cost involved and manpower required to travel each species is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
Moreover
, they aim to have a pilot
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
completely specific to species facing survival threats.
For instance
, the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the project tiger in 1972 on this particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process.
Therefore
, a selective Approach leads to a spillover effect on other species which
are located
at the lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain.

According to my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
requires more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
than others. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have a scarcity of resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's an intelligent decision to have a specific approach toward endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Further
, there is a need to
properly
access and collect data about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that if they face survival challenges due to hazardous conditions. They can be
properly
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protection
beforehand.
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IELTS essay MANY BELIEVE THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROTECT ALL WILD ANIMALS, WHILE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROTECT SOME, NOT ALL OF THEM

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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