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Many believe that doing a part-time job can be beneficial to children and help them develop into better adults. Why? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples.

Many believe that doing a part-time job can be beneficial to children and help them develop into better adults. Why? eRBJ7
It is believed that young individuals should take a part-time job [in recent days] since this does provide them with a variety of merits for better adultery lives as well as future career prospects. To be more specific, working part-time facilitates the young generation with plenty of soft skills [that are] necessary for their [steps towards greater] adulthood and valuable lessons in financial management in the career path of their later lives. It is an undeniable fact that approaching the real outside world as soon as possible is a good way to help the young generation gain a whole host of helpful skills, which is viewed as one of the keys leading them to easily become successful in life. In particular, a part-time job gives children a great deal of golden opportunities such as meeting and teamworking with other of their peers from different financial and educational backgrounds, etc. For example, Sasha Obama, despite being the daughter of one of the most powerful parents in the world, former US president, Barack Obama, worked as part-time staff at a seafood joint at the age of 15. Another motivation for taking up a part-time job is that children are able to be taught a plethora of beneficial financial management lessons. The more hard-working they work, the more they realize how precious money is. As a result, those youths begin to use it more effectively and wisely. For instance, through part-time jobs, young people, these days, no longer waste their budget on fancy clothes or shoes. Otherwise, they tend to save money and use it for logical purposes. In conclusion, children should try to do part-time work during their youth days in order to polish their soft skills as well as broaden their horizon about financial literacy, which can support them considerably in years to come.
It
is believed
that
young
individuals should take a part-time
job
[in recent days] since this does provide them with a variety of merits for better adultery
lives
as well
as future career prospects. To be more specific, working part-time facilitates the
young
generation with
plenty
of soft
skills
[that are] necessary for their [steps towards greater] adulthood and valuable lessons in
financial
management in the career path of their later
lives
.

It is an undeniable fact that approaching the real outside world as
soon
as possible is a
good
way to
help
the
young
generation gain a whole host of helpful
skills
, which
is viewed
as one of the keys leading them to
easily
become successful in life.
In particular
, a part-time
job
gives children a great deal of golden opportunities such as meeting and
teamworking
with other of their peers from
different
financial
and educational backgrounds, etc.
For example
, Sasha Obama, despite being the daughter of one of the most powerful parents in the world, former US president, Barack Obama, worked as part-time staff at a seafood joint at the age of 15.

Another motivation for taking up a part-time
job
is that children are able to
be taught
a plethora of beneficial
financial
management lessons. The more
hard
-working they work, the more they realize how precious money is.
As a result
, those youths
begin
to
use
it more
effectively
and
wisely
.
For instance
, through part-time
jobs
,
young
people
, these days, no longer waste their budget on fancy clothes or shoes.
Otherwise
, they tend to save money and
use
it for logical purposes.

In conclusion
, children should try to do part-time work during their youth days in order to polish their soft
skills
as well
as broaden their horizon about
financial
literacy, which can support them
considerably
in years to
come
.
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IELTS essay Many believe that doing a part-time job can be beneficial to children and help them develop into better adults. Why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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