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Many artists have less salaries and this is why they should receive funding from the government so that they can pursue the art

Many artists have less salaries and this is why they should receive funding from the government so that they can pursue the art eex0V
Many artists have less salaries and this is why they should receive funding from the government so that they can pursue the art. In my opinion, artists should be given grants from the government. Apart from this there should be places in the country where they can perform for the audience on a large scale. Art is said to be the sophisticated form of expression, but we see that for artists it is very difficult to earn and feed their family therefore, the government should give grants to the artists. This will encourage people to pursue art if they are good at it. Since it is difficult for them to earn hence they quit their passion and move to daily wage jobs hence, talents which could make us proud would end up working 9 to 5 jobs. For example, many people join theatre to pursue their passion for acting. But due to lack of money and resources end up quitting theatres. Apart from giving grant, there should be places where art and art forms can be performed like special economic zones, there should be art zones where new talents could be nurtured and talent ones are given opportunity to perform in front of the public. This will not only make artists self reliant but also very confident about his art. We can take the example of dying art form of Indian classical music it, there are few organisation who try to arrange live performances of these art forms but this has to be on large scale so that people develop interest in watching. In a nutshell, artist in our country has lots of difficulties in terms of earning his bread and hence government should give him not only grants but places where they can perform their art form and earn money to feed their families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun salaries is countable.
less
salaries and this is why they should receive funding from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can pursue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grants
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Apart from this there should be places in the country where they can perform for the audience on a large scale.

Art
is said
to be the sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of expression,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to earn and feed their family
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grants
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. This will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at it. Since it is difficult for them to earn
hence
they quit their passion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to daily wage jobs
hence
, talents which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us proud would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up working 9 to 5 jobs.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
to pursue their passion for acting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
due to lack of money and resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up quitting
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.

Apart from giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grant
, there should be places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
can
be performed
like special economic zones, there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
zones where new talents could
be nurtured
and talent ones are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunity to perform in front of the public. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self reliant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
confident about his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. We can take the example of dying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of Indian classical music it, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun organisation seems to be countable; consider using: "few organisations".
few organisation
who try to arrange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
performances of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be on large scale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
develop interest in watching.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
in our country has lots of difficulties in terms of earning his bread and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give him not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
places where they can perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
and earn money to feed their families.

IELTS essay Many artists have less salaries and this is why they should receive funding from the government so that they can pursue the art

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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