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Many argue that Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous

Many argue that Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous dqPAP
There is no doubt that Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous. There are many people who think it should be banned. I tend to disagree with this statement. And in this essay, I will support my view with examples. Firstly, although I believe that this sports is extremely dangerous but I think the solution is not by ban them. This sports should by more constrain specially in safety side. For example, more rules should be applied on who can practice this sports. To solve this problem, A governmental association should be established to give license to qualified persons. As a result, only capable person can practice this dangerous sports. However, You cant banned every dangerous thing people do. There are many works that people face dangerous in it and even death. For example people who work with high voltage power station and people who work on 300 m long wind air turbine face more risks than this sports. As a result we grown people should have the choice to live there live in the way they want.
There is no doubt that Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should
be banned
. I tend to disagree with this statement. And in this essay, I will support my view with examples.

Firstly
, although I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the solution is not by ban them.
Did you mean "these"?
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
more constrain
specially
in safety side.
For example
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
be applied
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can practice this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. To solve this problem, A governmental association should
be established
to give license to qualified persons.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
capable person can practice this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sports.

However
, You
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
banned every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
in it and even death.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work with high voltage power station and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work on 300 m long wind air turbine face more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
than
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result we
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "grew"?
grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the way they want.
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IELTS essay Many argue that Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
182 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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