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Many animal species extinct due to a natural procedure. Some people believe that there aren't any reasons for us to prevent creatures from extinction

Many animal species extinct due to a natural procedure. Some people believe that there aren't any reasons for us to prevent creatures from extinction YwLam
Many animal species extinct due to a natural procedure. Some people believe that there aren't any reasons for us to prevent creatures from extinction. In my perspective, the disappearance of wildlife is not only happened because of natural disasters but also by human activities. Firstly, it is true that only if a major disaster happened and put many species in the edge of extinction. Million years ago, many ancient species of animals like dinosaurs were wiped out by asteroid then active volcanoes release large amounts of toxic gas into the atmosphere, covered the earth from the sun. The dark period killed most of the predators along with the preys. However, the extinction of animals isn't any longer a natural process like 5 Mass Extinction but now caused by human. For instance, Industrial activities are continuously destroying natural habitats and disturbing the eco balance, causing the mass extinction of countless species. Furthermore, the increased demand for goods made of animals' products, like skins or horns, also results in the massacre of rare, endangered animals, rhinos for example. I strongly believe is that it is our duty to make efforts to prevent animals from discontinuation, especially endangered species in the Red List. Firstly, illegal hunting is a man-made problem around the globe. So governments should tighten laws related to illegal hunting and wild animals trade. In addition international cooperations are required in dealing with illegal activities. Secondly, building protected areas, national parks, ecological gardens to not only to protect the lives of the remaining number of animals in the world but also limit hunting and exploitation. In conclusion, without aggressive global interventions, many animal species will disappear permanently. This would cause an imbalance in the ecosystem that influence negatively on human life and other animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species extinct due to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
procedure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that there aren't any reasons for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
creatures from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
. In my perspective, the disappearance of wildlife is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by human activities.

Firstly
, it is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if a major disaster happened and put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species in the edge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
.
Use "a Million" or use a number before 'Million'.
Million
years ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ancient species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like dinosaurs
were wiped
out by asteroid then active volcanoes release large amounts of toxic gas into the atmosphere, covered the earth from the sun. The dark period killed most of the predators along with the preys.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
isn't any longer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
process like 5 Mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
caused by human.
For instance
, Industrial activities are
continuously
destroying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats and disturbing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco
balance, causing the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of countless species.
Furthermore
, the increased demand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
made of animals' products, like skins or horns,
also
results in the massacre of rare, endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, rhinos
for example
.

I
strongly
believe is that it is our duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from discontinuation,
especially
endangered species in the Red List.
Firstly
, illegal hunting is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made problem around the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should tighten laws related to illegal hunting and wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
trade. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
international cooperations
are required
in dealing with illegal activities.
Secondly
, building protected areas, national parks, ecological gardens to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to protect the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the remaining number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
limit hunting and exploitation.

In conclusion
, without aggressive global interventions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species will disappear
permanently
. This would cause an imbalance in the ecosystem that influence
negatively
on human life and other
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
animals

IELTS essay Many animal species extinct due to a natural procedure. Some people believe that there aren't any reasons for us to prevent creatures from extinction

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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