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Making the world a better place

Making the world a better place 73jO6
It all started when my classmates and I begun our study at new high school. At that time, majority of us were able to use English pretty well, cause STEM classes are tought in English there. Nevertheless, there was a shy guy there who seemed to be passive during classes and did not used to say even a word. The whole class could not just ignore him and asked the reason of doing so. The reply was as I expected, that before the Presidential School he had studied at one of the schools where foreign language is German instead of English. Then I gathered my friends who were wholeheartedly ready to help that guy and I encouraged them to teach him English so that he would not face academic difficulties. The most important thing about this is that we did not want to make it in a traditional way of books and grammar exercises, so we decided to adopt a new method of learning by having fun. First of all, I observed our 'learner' and found out that he is a great fan of pop music and science fiction movies. Then, we agreed with him to watch films and listen to music only in English and it actually worked that I have seen a great improvement in our English. School teachers also recognized that after one or two months and now, the guy became fluent enough to communicate with international teachers. I am happy that I could do something valuable.
It all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
when my classmates and I begun our study at new high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. At that time, majority of us were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
English pretty well, cause STEM classes are
Possible spelling mistake found.
tought
in English there.
Nevertheless
, there was a shy guy there who seemed to be passive during classes and did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "use"
used
to say even a word. The whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
could not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
him and asked the reason of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The reply was as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the Presidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
he had studied at one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where foreign language is German
instead
of English. Then I gathered my friends who were
wholeheartedly
ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that guy and I encouraged them to teach him English
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he would not face academic difficulties. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about this is that we did not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
Consider replacing "in a traditional way" with the adverb for "traditional"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a traditional way
of books and grammar exercises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we decided to adopt a new method of learning by having fun.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I observed our 'learner' and found out that he is a great fan of pop music and science fiction movies. Then, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films and listen to music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in English and it actually worked that I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a great improvement in our English.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
teachers
also
recognized that after one or two months and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the guy became fluent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to communicate with international teachers. I am happy that I could do something valuable.
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IELTS essay Making the world a better place

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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