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Cultural background of uzbek people

Cultural background of uzbek people q0m7d
Cultural background of Uzbek people is related to ancient Transoxiana, the homeland of famous scientists and literary figures. Such as polymaths: al-Khwarizmi, al-Biruni, and poets: Ali-Shir Nava'i, Lutfi. They were some of the most educated people of the time they lived. This can be a real evidence that we(Uzbeks) really appreciate science and art. So me and my peers are always motivated to be a deserving successor of such ancestors. Besides science and art, Uzbeks are well-known for their hospitality and amicability. People of more than 130 nations consider Uzbekistan as their homeland and live here with equal rights and freedom, regardless of their nationalities, languages and religions. This reveals that we are sociable and adaptive, which are crucial skills for every individual. I am lucky to be a part of this society, as no problems will arise in cooperating and socializing with people from all around the globe.
Cultural background of Uzbek
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
related to ancient
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Transoxiana
, the homeland of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
scientists and literary figures. Such as polymaths: al-Khwarizmi,
Possible spelling mistake found.
al-Biruni
, and poets:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ali-Shir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nava
'i,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lutfi
. They were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. This can be a real evidence that we(Uzbeks)
really
appreciate science and art.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
me and my peers are always motivated to be a deserving successor of such ancestors.

Besides
science and art, Uzbeks are well-known for their hospitality and amicability.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of more than 130 nations consider Uzbekistan as their homeland and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here with equal rights and freedom, regardless of their nationalities, languages and religions. This reveals that we are sociable and adaptive, which are crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for every individual. I am lucky to be a part of this society, as no problems will arise in cooperating and socializing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all around the globe.
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IELTS essay Cultural background of uzbek people

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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