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Majority think that people who have already faced the retirement age should stop working and continue the rest of their life with pleasure.

Majority think that people who have already faced the retirement age should stop working and continue the rest of their life with pleasure. MoaRe
Majority think that people who have already faced the retirement age should stop working and continue the rest of their life with pleasure. I strongly support this idea and insufficient level of health and experience that has been old-fashioned during a lot of years in older people will show this. Firstly, most of the elder people who reached the age of retirement are not healthy or hard-working enough. For example, they always grumble about their health status and face different problems with their movements. It is clear that they cannot bear challenging occasions that are occured at work. Secondly, in today's world the rate of unemployment is increasingly growing and creating some problems with young people. The reason why unemployment here is mentioned is that if old people leave their work after retirement, they would open the door of opportunities to young people. Apart from this, today's world needs more dynamic and younger people who are well versed in their domain. Consequently, ceasing working after retirement is not only beneficial for old people's health but also advantageous for young generation. To summerize, people in retirement age would rather stay at home instead of continuing working. Because they have worked productively enough for years and should deduct the remained years of their life for enjoyment and rest.
Majority
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "thinks".
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have already faced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working

and continue the rest of their life with pleasure. I
strongly
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and insufficient

level of health and experience that has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
years in older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
this.

Firstly
, most of the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who reached the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
are not healthy or

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
For example
, they always grumble about their health status and face

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems with their movements. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that they cannot bear challenging

occasions that are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
at work.

Secondly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world the rate of unemployment is
increasingly
growing and creating

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The reason why unemployment here
is mentioned
is that

if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, they would open the door of opportunities to

young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Apart from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world needs more dynamic and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who

are well versed in their domain.
Consequently
, ceasing working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only


beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
advantageous for young generation.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
summerize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
age would
rather
stay at home
instead
of continuing

working.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have worked
productively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for years and should deduct the

remained years of their life for enjoyment and rest.
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IELTS essay Majority think that people who have already faced the retirement age should stop working and continue the rest of their life with pleasure.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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