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love versus money disscusion

love versus money disscusion OlVNG
We live in a society where it seems the only important thing is money, but it is the most important? Is it really? I can not deny that money is a useful and maybe necessary tool to modern civilizations. Since the ancient greeks or romans people need to measure their work and hence, in a way, their own value. Although at the beginning it was about exchange goods or services it is normal for humans to look for standardrization and an easy way to measure work. I agree with the premise because we need this effective method but I also think that mankind is loosing it. Despite the fact that there are lots of people in the world with fair and objetive thinking it seems that now money has overvalue everything and it is the only characteristic that could possibly define a human. At some levels I can understand how important money has become for us due the extremely eager of people to consume. Nevertheless, this idea comes from higher hierarchy levels in society which infect our minds with stuff that we don’t really need but we suddenly do. I have to applaud this perfectly organised and powerful design and the reason of that is simple, it really works. However, not taking in consideration the lack of world objectiveness, I personally think that money never ever should be more important than other values like love, respect or truth. I know that people who strives themselves for others, take care of them or simply people who truly respect you as an human being without any other external ideas deserve a huge place in society. Not only they make our everyday better with their friendship, smiles or help, these people can help us to remember who we are, where are we and things that are really important. Finally I want to picture the idea of mankind some years ago, where we were just another race fighting for survival. On that moment every person of the group was important and necessary, we were a real specie. Nowadays we are in the top of the races piramid we went through that phase and it is incredible for us, no one can beat us but us and in many cases just for money. Not amount of money is enough to equal a true expression of love and kindness.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society where it seems the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
? Is it
really
?

I can not deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a useful and maybe necessary tool to modern civilizations. Since the ancient
Possible spelling mistake found.
greeks
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
romans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to measure their work and
hence
, in a way, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value. Although at the beginning it was about
Consider using a past participle here: "exchanged".
exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or services it is normal for humans to look for
Possible spelling mistake found.
standardrization
and an easy way to measure work.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the premise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we need this effective method
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mankind is loosing it. Despite the fact that there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
objetive
thinking it seems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has
Use past participle here: "overvalued".
overvalue
everything and it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
characteristic that could
possibly
define a human. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
levels I can understand how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has become for us due the
extremely
eager of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume.
Nevertheless
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from higher hierarchy levels in society which infect our minds with stuff that we don’t
really
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
suddenly
do. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
applaud this
perfectly
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
and powerful design and the reason of
that is
simple, it
really
works.

However
, not taking in consideration the lack of world objectiveness, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
never ever should be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than other values like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, respect or truth. I know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "strive"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
strives
themselves for others, take care of them or
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
truly
respect you as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
human being without any other external
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
deserve a huge place in society. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our everyday better with their friendship, smiles or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to remember who we are, where are we and things that are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I want to picture the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of mankind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago, where we were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
another race fighting for survival. On that moment every person of the group was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and necessary, we were a real specie. Nowadays we are in the top of the races
Possible spelling mistake found.
piramid
we went through that phase and it is incredible for us, no one can beat us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
us and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Not amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to equal a true expression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and kindness.
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IELTS essay love versus money disscusion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
393 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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