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Some people think that art should be involved at schools.Do you agree or disagree to the opinion.

Some people think that art should be involved at schools. to the opinion. XDGgY
Numerous are of the belief that creative subjects as music and writing skills ought to be reckoned one of the most critical subjects in education system. To my mind, There are the main reasons to include the series of subjects in syllabus of every school. Therefore, this essay will analyse merits of the subject involvement deeds in the education procedure through granting several illustrations in this trend. First and foremost, it is true that in recent decades, the demand for the means of subjects which bring considerable progress on improvement of genetic capacities is diminishing dramatically while certain subjects are gaining popularity among students desired accessing to diversity universities. For this reason, a significant number of persons are not paying attention to practice with creative subjects as forms of art though schools of art assist crowd to develop in a cognitive method via mounting the circle of contemplation talents. For example, a large number of psychologists suggest that care givers should attract the young, especially children to art due to the fact that creative knacks as writing novels or drawing cause advantages when they are possessing a career in the future in light of the fact that everybody knows about wide-contemplation grow the quality of work and in addition to, people retain giving attention to each details and never forget about quality standards. Moreover, most nations would prefer to practise with various types of art to have a rest, certainly once you depict pictures or sing lovely song, your soul will calm down, furthermore the fettle eliminates one of the most contemporary illnesses supposed stress. There is no doubt that these acts can be best remedy if you come tired or bored from work or studying via not only granting relaxation, but also affirmative mood during the day either. To sum up, because of art helps relax and increase contemplation abilities, these subjects related to art ought to be involved in the education systems of schools
Numerous are of the belief that creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as music and writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
ought to
be reckoned
one of the most critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in education system. To my mind, There are the main reasons to include the series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in syllabus of every school.
Therefore
, this essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
merits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
involvement deeds in the education procedure through granting several illustrations in this trend.
First
and foremost, it is true that in recent decades, the demand for the means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which bring considerable progress on improvement of genetic capacities is diminishing
dramatically
while certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are gaining popularity among students desired accessing to diversity universities.
For this reason
, a significant number of persons are not paying attention to practice with creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
though schools of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
assist crowd to develop in a cognitive method via mounting the circle of contemplation talents.
For example
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
psychologists suggest that care givers should attract the young,
especially
children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
due to the fact that creative knacks as writing novels or drawing cause advantages when they
The verb 'possessing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are possessing
a career in the future in light of the fact that everybody knows about wide-contemplation grow the quality of work and
in addition
to,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
retain giving attention to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "detail"?
details
and never forget about quality standards.
Moreover
, most nations would prefer to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
with various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to have a rest,
certainly
once you depict pictures or sing lovely song, your soul will calm down,
furthermore
the fettle eliminates one of the most contemporary illnesses supposed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. There is no doubt that these acts can be best remedy if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
tired or bored from work or studying via not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
granting relaxation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affirmative mood during the day either. To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
relax and increase contemplation abilities, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
ought to
be involved
in the education systems of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
schools
What do you think?
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IELTS essay Some people think that art should be involved at schools. to the opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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