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Some people believe that art subjects such as music drama and creative writing are essential part of learning and schools should include them

Some people believe that art subjects such as music drama and creative writing are essential part of learning and schools should include them K0wON
There is a universally acknowledged fact that majority number of people suggest that art lessons as music, drama, drawing, and creative writing are important section of education and schools ought to involve them in it syllabus. I am totally agree and I will explain its reasons and give examples in this essay. In the first place, art subjects make people creative and some crown's abilities are covered however music, drama and other creative actions discover revealed capacities. Furthermore, art subjects increase people's mentions, abilities and insights therefore, doctors recommend school of art to pupils who are mental disorders. We know that art helps persons to go up from pressure. To illustrate, when I am upset or stressed, I usually play the guitar after that I feel relax and enjoy. In addition, art rise a circle contemplation in a high degree. For example, whenever my writing was very inconceivable level, my educator suggested that draw pictures and I created 37 drawings and later my reasoning had grown and I am glad to be good at a writing part. Moreover, we have seen that a great number of teens always train with art in a free time and it give them pleasure. It is true that doing art is best rather than playing a game on computers or smartphones. In general, students read a lot in schools thus art subjects are necessary in the area of education. In conclusion, art subjects take pupil some times nevertheless, it is beneficial to adults in schools and in my opinion, everyone need to train with art everyday about an hour.
There is a
universally
acknowledged fact that majority number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
lessons as music, drama, drawing, and creative writing are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
section of education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
ought to involve them in
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it syllabus
. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
its reasons and give examples in this essay. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
creative and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crown's abilities
are covered
however
music, drama and other creative actions discover revealed capacities.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mentions, abilities and insights
therefore
, doctors recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to pupils who are mental disorders. We know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
persons to go up from pressure. To illustrate, when I
am upset
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, I
usually
play the guitar after that I feel relax and enjoy.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
rise a circle contemplation in a high degree.
For example
, whenever my writing was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inconceivable level, my educator suggested that draw pictures and I created 37 drawings and later my reasoning had
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grown and
I am glad to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at a writing part.
Moreover
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a great number of teens always train with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in a free time and it
Did you mean "gives"?
give
them pleasure. It is true that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is best
rather
than playing a game on computers or smartphones.
In general
, students read a lot in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary in the area of education.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
take pupil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times
nevertheless
, it is beneficial to adults in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and in my opinion, everyone need to train with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
about an hour.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that art subjects such as music drama and creative writing are essential part of learning and schools should include them

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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