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Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied? v.1

Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied? v. 1
There are several reasons why elderly people can isolate themselves from the outside world. Isolation leads to loneliness, and aloneness leads to isolation. We must all unite our efforts to break this vicious cycle that has major repercussions on our society. In this essay, I intend to delve into the consequences of this issue. Firstly, desolation should not be taken lightly since it can lead to serious consequences such as depression, sleeping problems, lack of confidence, and most importantly suicidal thoughts. This can lead to some medical problems like, cardiac arrest, variation in blood pressure due to increased stress and anxiety. All these are injurious. A 2006 study conducted by the Centre for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, at the University of Chicago, found loneliness can add thirty points to a blood pressure reading for adults over the age of fifty. Secondly, there are several reasons for this condition. Some of which are, death of spouse, children moving away either for studies or living, loss of friends or family members. Thirdly, some illness such as Alzheimer-a short term or long-term memory loss, skin diseases can keep the people as introverts or folks. There would be a generation gap, and older generations would get a cultural shock. So, they can’t cope with the new generation styles-which can also create detachment. On the other hand, as the people would grow old, they would go on becoming weaker and weaker and would have to depend on their families to fulfil their needs. There are lots of pros in living with elder family members or living as a joint family. Older generations have a lot of life experiences which can be shared with the new ones. Thereby, can eradicate the remoteness for these old souls. In addition, families should be closer to their elderly members and pay attention to the signs indicating that a seniors’ well-being might be deteriorating. Loneliness and segregation among the elderly is, first and foremost, a social issue that must be closely monitored by our governments, the medical community, social workers, organisations, etc. Visiting the person whom you find feeling abandoned, calling them, showing some patience to listen them, encouraging them, inviting them to home for get together or take them for out, enhancing social support, are some remedies, I find, would be the ways to eliminate this problem. To conclude, it is our duty as a society to prevent our elderly members from suffering from confinement in order to conquer friendlessness and its consequences. Nevertheless, the right therapist can help individuals build social skills and connect with others. Becoming a human- showing humanity can relief the concerned person from feeling lonely.
There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can isolate themselves from the outside world. Isolation leads to loneliness, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
aloneness
leads to isolation. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
all unite our efforts to break this vicious cycle that has major repercussions on our society. In this essay, I intend to delve into the consequences of this issue.

Firstly
, desolation should not
be taken
lightly
since it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to serious consequences such as depression, sleeping problems, lack of confidence, and most
importantly
suicidal thoughts. This can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical problems like, cardiac arrest, variation in blood pressure due to increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety. All these are injurious. A 2006 study conducted by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
for Cognitive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
Neuroscience, at the University of Chicago, found loneliness can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
thirty points to a blood pressure reading for adults over the age of fifty.
Secondly
, there are several reasons for this condition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of which are, death of spouse, children moving away either for studies or living, loss of friends or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illness such as Alzheimer-a short term or long-term memory loss, skin diseases can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as introverts or folks. There would be a generation gap, and older generations would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a cultural shock.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can’t cope with the new generation styles-which can
also
create detachment.

On the other hand
, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they would go on becoming weaker and weaker and would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to fulfil their needs. There are lots of pros in living with elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
or living as a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Older generations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
life experiences which can
be shared
with the new ones. Thereby, can eradicate the remoteness for these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
souls.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should be closer to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and pay attention to the signs indicating that a seniors’ well-being might be deteriorating. Loneliness and segregation among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
is,
first
and foremost, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
closely
monitored by our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, the medical community,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
workers,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, etc. Visiting the person whom you find feeling abandoned, calling them, showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
patience to listen them, encouraging them, inviting them to home for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together or take them for out, enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
support, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies, I find, would be the ways to eliminate this problem.

To conclude
, it is our duty as a society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
from suffering from confinement in order to conquer
Possible spelling mistake found.
friendlessness
and its consequences.
Nevertheless
, the right therapist can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and connect with others. Becoming a human- showing humanity can relief the concerned person from feeling lonely.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Loneliness is an increasing problem in many societies, especially among the elderly. Why is this? How might it be remedied? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
441 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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