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llowing children to decide for themselves will result in a egocentricity-ridden society.

llowing children to decide for themselves will result in a egocentricity-ridden society. gGWa1
In my opinion children should be able to make their own decisions as the benefits far outweigh the risk of people only thinking about themselves. This idea has been researched by many professionals over the last few years. Their findings support my opinions explained below. To begin with, it is highly improbable that allowing children to decide for themselves will result in a egocentricity-ridden society. There are already countries where this is being practiced by parents and no extreme situations have been recorded. For example, Netherlands embraces the idea of individual development from a young age without affecting the overall emotional evolution of the individuals within the community. In addition, making their own decisions will enable children to learn how to be independent and will prepare them for adult life. For example, young people deciding for themselves become more responsible at an early age. This is very helpful because they are already active in their thinking, making them more useful for the society they live in. Furthermore, by choosing for themselves, children will be able to express their creativity and ideas. For instance, when selecting their own clothes, foods and types of entertainment they identify their likes and dislikes, thus defining their identity. Moreover, they will be less inclined to feel afraid to express their ideas. In conclusion, the belief that children being more independent will result in a society full of selfish adults is wrong. As mentioned above, the idea of children being allowed to make decisions has been tested in numerous countries and no detrimental effects have been found.
In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions as the benefits far outweigh the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thinking about themselves. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
has
been researched
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals over the last few years. Their findings support my opinions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
highly
improbable that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide for themselves will result in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
egocentricity-ridden society. There are already countries where this is
being practiced
by parents and no extreme situations have
been recorded
.
For example
, Netherlands embraces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of individual development from a young age without affecting the
overall
emotional evolution of the individuals within the community.

In addition
, making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to be independent and will prepare them for adult life.
For example
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deciding for themselves become more responsible at an early age. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are already active in their thinking, making them more useful for the society they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.

Furthermore
, by choosing for themselves,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be able to express their creativity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
.
For instance
, when selecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothes, foods and types of entertainment they identify their likes and dislikes,
thus
defining their identity.
Moreover
, they will be less inclined to feel afraid to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

In conclusion
, the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being more independent will result in a society full of selfish adults is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. As mentioned above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in numerous countries and no detrimental effects have
been found
.

IELTS essay llowing children to decide for themselves will result in a egocentricity-ridden society.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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