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living without much money for being happy and factors that contribute to happiness

living without much money for being happy and factors that contribute to happiness YkxQQ
To be a happy person, some see that this could be achieved by having higher amounts of money. Most of the time, being a rich person does not mean that happiness will come after. Having an appropriate job and building a family are some of the main factors that lead to happiness. Although there is a common concept that being happy is directly related to having much money, but this is not always the case. In general, money is necessary to maintain our lives. We need money, for instance, to buy what we wear or what we eat. There are basics in life that are dependent on it. However, in most cases, these things do not require a person to be rich. In other words, most people can live a normal life suitable amount of money. Also, focusing on being rich may lead to greed, which have undesirable consequences on both individual and their society. Factors, such as an appropriate job and having a family, can influence on being a happy person. Working people can find happiness in their jobs. For example, volunteering with some groups in the community can provide many interesting activities, which affect on the mode directly. Also, making some goals in the life, such as building a family, is essential for being happy. To have a family with wife and children is a vital approach for happiness as many rich persons, sometimes, live and even die alone. In conclusion, despite the critical role, that money plays in our lives, it is not necessary that having much money will lead to happiness. Instead, there are some things that an individual may need to consider to be happy such as doing jobs and seeking to live within family members.
To be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this could
be achieved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
higher amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Most of the time, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main factors that lead to happiness.

Although there is a common concept that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is
directly
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not always the case.
In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary to maintain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. We need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
for instance
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what we wear or what we eat. There are basics in life that are dependent on it.
However
,
in most cases
, these things do not require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
.
In other words
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a normal life suitable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Also
, focusing on being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
may lead to greed, which have undesirable consequences on both individual and their society.

Factors, such as an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, can influence on being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, volunteering with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups in the community can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting activities, which
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the mode
directly
.
Also
, making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
goals in the life, such as building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, is essential for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. To have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with wife and children is a vital approach for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
alone.

In conclusion
, despite the critical role, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, it is not necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Instead
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that an individual may need to consider to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
such as doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and seeking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
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IELTS essay living without much money for being happy and factors that contribute to happiness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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