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Living longer is the desire of all people. It would be good that all countries create some opportunities for living long and healthy. In this essay, I will discuss of this issue.

Living longer is the desire of all people. It would be good that all countries create some opportunities for living long and healthy. In this essay, I will discuss of this issue. 3L9Eb
This issue has some negative sides. Firstly, it is hard situation for government. City government should provide all people, especially retired people with healthy and comfortable life. Check up of retired people, also providing them homes are some side effects of this issue. I mean that it can damage to the budget of country, and it can turn to hard situation. Some researches revealed that this situation can create political problems in the long period. Furthermore, it can cause some problems for families. Families should provide their retired parents comfortable life, and it creates financial problems. Some other situations, people need to go to the nursing home. Source of this issue is the financial problems of families. On the other hand, there are some good effects of this issue. First of all, it makes people healthy and comfortable. Governments ensure retired people with some health opportunities. Also, some days of the year, they can go to the countryside, and they can rest there. They live less stressful life, and it makes them healthy. Furthermore, they can spend time with different activities. In the poor countries, lifestyle is low, and people need to work hard for not living in poverty. In the rich countries, people can spend time for themselves, and they can learn some different activities. Some researches in Belgium revealed that spend time with some different activities make retired people happy and healthy. To sum up, some problems for governments and financial issues of families are the negative sides of this issue. Living in the healthy and comfortable life and spend time with some different activities can be some positive sides of this issue.
This
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issue
has
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some
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negative
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sides
.
Firstly
, it is
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hard
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situation
for
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government
. City
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government
should provide all
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people
,
especially
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retired
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people
with
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healthy
and
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comfortable
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life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Check
up of
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retired
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people
,
also
providing them homes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects of this
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issue
. I mean that it can damage to the budget of country, and it can turn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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situation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researches revealed that this
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situation
can create political
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problems
in the long period.
Furthermore
, it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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problems
for families. Families should provide their
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retired
parents
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comfortable
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life
, and it creates financial
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problems
.
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Some
other
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situations
,
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people
need to go to the nursing home. Source of this
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issue
is the financial
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problems
of families.

On the other hand
, there are
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some
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good
effects of this
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issue
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
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makes
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people
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healthy
and
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comfortable
.
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Governments
ensure
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retired
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people
with
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some
health opportunities.
Also
,
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some
days of the year, they can go to the countryside, and they can rest there. They
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live
less stressful
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life
, and it
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makes
them
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healthy
.
Furthermore
, they can
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spend
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time
with
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different
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activities
. In the poor countries, lifestyle is low, and
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people
need to work
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hard
for not living in poverty. In the rich countries,
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people
can
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spend
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time
for themselves, and they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
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activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researches in Belgium revealed that
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spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy and healthy.

To sum up,
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some
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problems
for
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governments
and financial
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issues
of families are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
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sides
of this
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issue
. Living in the
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healthy
and
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comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
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activities
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
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sides
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
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IELTS essay Living longer is the desire of all people. It would be good that all countries create some opportunities for living long and healthy. In this essay, I will discuss of this issue.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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