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Living in an apartment instead of a university dormitory has advantages and disadvantages. v.1

Living in an apartment instead of a university dormitory has advantages and disadvantages. v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that the most of the students are moving to another nation because of higher studies. For those people, it is very hard to find places where they want to stay. Some people assert that living in an apartment is the best option as compared to university residence. In my opinion, it is true to stay in an apartment, but up-to some extent. There are several reasons why folks like to stay in separate, instead of living in university places. Firstly, the person who moved to another nation, it is very hard to control their expenses. Whereas, college residents are little costly as compared to find places in outside such as separate room or other residential building. Moreover, In the apartments, youngster can share their room with their roommates, as well as rent and grocery stuff which cost is almost half as university. For an instance, according to the research found that 90 percent of the students are like to live in rented houses. Furthermore, there is no doubt that the rooms which provided by colleges is not the atrocious option for first few months because around 97 percent of the students are unaware of the new city and nobody can allow for those students to rent their property outside. Therefore, they don’t have an income source and it will take 1-2 months to find a job. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and saying that the both options are the best place to live, either live in the room provide by colleges or found their own rental area. It depends on youngster which side better for them.
It is an irrefutable fact that the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are moving to another nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of higher studies. For those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where they want to stay.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that living in an apartment is the best option as compared to university residence. In my opinion, it is true to stay in an apartment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
up-to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

There are several reasons why folks like to stay in separate,
instead
of living in university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to another nation, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to control their expenses. Whereas, college residents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
costly as compared to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in outside such as separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
or other residential building.
Moreover
, In the apartments, youngster can share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with their roommates,
as well
as rent and grocery stuff which cost is almost half as university. For an instance, according to the research found that 90 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Furthermore
, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
which provided by colleges is not the atrocious option for
first
few months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
around 97 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unaware of the new city and nobody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to rent their property outside.
Therefore
, they don’t have an income source and it will take 1-2 months to find a job.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and saying that the both options are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
provide by colleges or found their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rental area. It depends on youngster which side better for them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Living in an apartment instead of a university dormitory has advantages and disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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