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LINK BETWEEN HOBBIES AND TECHNOLOGY

LINK BETWEEN HOBBIES AND TECHNOLOGY yRBpl
With the ever-present concern for recreation, the link between technology and pastime has been much debated recently. Although many people consider hobbies to be associated with new technology, I firmly oppose this point of view for certain reasons. To begin with, people nowadays have a tendency to participate in outdoor activities particularly sports which are not related to technology. Because of the fact that an inordinate number of employers work in the office leading to a sedentary lifestyle with little exercise. Being aware of health issue, people would opt for these activities to yield better physical well-being. For instance, running competitions for non-professionals have engrossed more participants these days. Moreover, natural explorations are also an increasing trend due to the fact that excessive screen hours and exposure to gadgets required in occupations have rendered individuals stressful. As a result, nature can act as a prominent source to dispose of those frustrating devices ameliorating our mental health. According to some recent researchers, places such as forests, rivers or beaches have been one of the most hobbies. Furthermore, artists or personnel in an innovative environment may opt for quiet and peaceful places for recreation. These industries require creation which is hardly attained when facing with advanced technology; consequently, areas without access to technology are more preferred when it comes to taking up hobbies to yield innovations. In conclusion, it is unnecessary for pastimes to be attached with technology; on the other hand, people should not overlook the significance of new technology in this modern world.
With the ever-present concern for recreation, the link between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and pastime has been much debated recently. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider hobbies to
be associated
with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, I
firmly
oppose this point of view for certain reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have a tendency to participate in outdoor activities
particularly
sports which are not related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
Because of the fact that
an inordinate number of employers work in the office leading to a sedentary lifestyle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
exercise. Being aware of health issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would opt for these activities to yield better physical well-being.
For instance
, running competitions for non-professionals have engrossed more participants these days.

Moreover
, natural explorations are
also
an increasing trend due to the fact that excessive screen hours and exposure to gadgets required in occupations have rendered individuals stressful.
As a result
, nature can act as a prominent source to dispose of those frustrating devices ameliorating our mental health. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent researchers, places such as forests, rivers or beaches have been one of the most hobbies.

Furthermore
, artists or personnel in an innovative environment may opt for quiet and peaceful places for recreation. These industries require creation which is hardly attained when facing with advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
;
consequently
, areas without access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more preferred when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to taking up hobbies to yield innovations.

In conclusion
, it is unnecessary for pastimes to
be attached
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
;
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not overlook the significance of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in this modern world.
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IELTS essay LINK BETWEEN HOBBIES AND TECHNOLOGY

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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