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Life today is more esier and more confortable than it was when your grandparents were children. Do you agree or desagree? v.1

Life today is more esier and more confortable than it was when your grandparents were children. Do you agree or desagree? v. 1
It is the fact that the famous athletes can gain higher paid than other fields of people. It is argued by some people, it is absolutely correct whereas others think it is extremely unjustified. I believe that it is unfair for other important professions of people. On the one hand, those whom believe that famous game players deserve a huge rate of money because they represent the country of all over the world and make proud of all the people of nations as well as create a world record of the country. Furthermore, for all of this, they can follow the proper diet and spend more than time for practice. So, it is totally fair to earn a great more amount than other fields people. On the other hand, Some people think that it is fully wrong with another stream people. Firstly, other important field workers spend more time than sport persons. For instance, the scientist can be innovated formulas, medicine, new technology and so on. Secondly, sometimes, military employees lost their lives for the country and for nations people, but the end of they could not famous and not gain a high salary. According to me, it is unfair to another field employee because they also do hard work and give time for society and the nation. For example, doctors take a high risk to save the life of other persons because people’s life and alive is more important. Thus, other field should deserve a higher salary. To conclude, some people think that succeeded sports persons can deserve more money than other professionals it is fair for them while others think that it is unjustified to other professionals. I feel that, it is unfair of other sector successful professionals.
It is the fact that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes can gain higher paid than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
absolutely
correct whereas others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is
extremely
unjustified. I believe that it is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, those whom believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
game players deserve a huge rate of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they represent the country of all over the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proud of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of nations
as well
as create a world record of the country.
Furthermore
, for all of this, they can follow the proper diet and spend more than time for practice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to earn a great more amount than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it is
fully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with another stream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
workers spend more time than sport persons.
For instance
, the scientist can
be innovated
formulas, medicine, new technology and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, military employees lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the country and for nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of they could not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and not gain a high salary.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, it is unfair to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and give time for society and the nation.
For example
, doctors take a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to save the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life and alive is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
should deserve a higher salary.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that succeeded sports persons can deserve more money than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for them while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it
is unjustified
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals. I feel that, it is unfair of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sector successful professionals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Life today is more esier and more confortable than it was when your grandparents were children. Do you agree or desagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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