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Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions v.4

Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions v. 4
In the recent years, almost countries around the world have the higher rate of young crime. There are some reasons causing this situation and some solutions should be implemented to prevent it. The rate of young crime has increased because of some reasons. Firstly, teenagers lack education from parents and schools. Many parents only want to earn much money and they believe that money will bring happiness for their children, so they become to ignore ones. They are so busy and have not enough time to share and talk to children, therefore the children might become worse. Beside parents, teachers are also important for children. They need to discern behaviour and attitude of children and give useful advice. Secondly, teenagers are impacted by games and social networks dramatically. They learn many things from Internet but they cannot distinguish between good and bad things. Therefore, they can be cheated and exploited to become a crime. There are some solutions which can prevent this situation. Government should raise parents’awareness about educating their children. They need to spend more time to take care of and educate the children. Apart from parents, teachers also need to warn teenagers of harmfulness of social networks and teach them how use the Internet efficiently. Moreover, government should have policies to manage websites and social networks in a close way to protect children. In conclusion, while there are some reasons leading to commit crime in young people. measures need to be taken to tackle this problem.
In the recent years, almost countries around the world have the higher rate of young crime. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons causing this situation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions should
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it.

The rate of young crime has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
lack education from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to earn much
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they believe that money will bring happiness for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they become to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
ones. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy and have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to share and talk to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might become worse. Beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to discern
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and give useful advice.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are impacted
by games and social networks
dramatically
. They learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.
Therefore
, they can
be cheated
and exploited to become a crime.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this situation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should raise parents’awareness about educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to spend more time to take care of and educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, teachers
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to warn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
of harmfulness of social networks and teach them how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet
efficiently
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have policies to manage websites and social networks
Consider replacing "in a close way" with the adverb for "close"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a close way
to protect children.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons leading to commit crime in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
measures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be taken
to tackle this problem.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Levels of young crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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