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Level of health is decreasing. So what are some reasons and suggest some solution?

Level of health is decreasing. So what are some reasons and suggest some solution? KVYe3
Nowadays, the world is witnessing a growing member of people suffering from dangerous health-related issues. In this upcoming paragraph, I have discussed the reasons behind poor health and some remedial solutions to combat problems. The main cause of health crisis is more consumption of junk food. Today, many individuals consume poor quality food which contains high fat, cholesterol, diabetes, cardiac arrest. In addition, unbalanced lifestyle is also responsible for threat to health. In this competitive era, in search of sucess, people are busy with work. They have many sleepless nights and irregular eating habits which affect their mind. Their mind feel more pressure and stress. Also, it decreases immune system by not having enough meal. Now, taking to the solutions, firstly, Government should impose the tax on fast food. If these food will have heavily priced, people will avoid to have it. So that, they will turn back to homemade food which is hygienic compared to proceed food. By that people will stay away from unwanted elements. Furthermore, having a balanced diet and doing physical activities will be benefited, if people adopt this lifestyle. Balanced diet contains minerals and vitamins which will help to reduce fat, and it will give adequate nutritions. Physical exercises like running and jogging can help to burn body fat. It will keep bodies in shape. To conclude this, despite changing lifestyle, people are suffering from health issues because of their hectic lifestyle. Some solution will change the health issues in future.
Nowadays, the world is witnessing a growing member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
health-related issues. In this upcoming paragraph, I have discussed the reasons behind poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedial solutions to combat problems.

The main cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
crisis is more consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals consume poor quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, cholesterol, diabetes, cardiac arrest.
In addition
, unbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is
also
responsible for threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In this competitive era, in search of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucess
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy with work. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sleepless nights and irregular eating habits which affect their mind. Their mind feel more pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Also
, it decreases immune system by not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
meal.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, taking to the solutions,
firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should impose the tax on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will have
heavily
priced,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid having".
avoid to have
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they will turn back to homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is hygienic compared to proceed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. By that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will stay away from unwanted elements.
Furthermore
, having a balanced diet and doing physical activities will
be benefited
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adopt this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Balanced diet contains minerals and vitamins which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and it will give adequate
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
. Physical exercises like running and jogging can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to burn body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
bodies in shape.

To conclude
this, despite changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
solution will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
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IELTS essay Level of health is decreasing. So what are some reasons and suggest some solution?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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