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letter to sale my ancient watch

letter to sale my ancient watch lqX9w
I write to express my delight about ancient hand watch which was i brought from the London antiques market I write to see if you can help me to sell this watch on your shop the hand watch is belongs to the bygone Era it is made up by silver, gold and copper with clear transparent glass on the dual the best thing of this watch is that it is working without any cell and battery backup system moreover we can easily see time and date in the night due to light sensor system fitted on it when i searched on google top antique's shop i found your shop name on the top that is why i approach you to sell my watch the watch is eye catching by its look I trust the information and there has been of assistance to you I will be there accept me to sell it shall be available to ensure if all the questions or query from your side as I look forward to a prompt response from your end
I write to express my delight about ancient hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
which was
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
brought from the London antiques market I write to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to sell this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
on your shop the hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
is belongs to the bygone Era it
is made
up by silver, gold and copper with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
transparent glass on the dual the best thing of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
is that it is working without any cell and battery backup system
moreover
we can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
time and date in the night due to light sensor system fitted on it when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
searched on google top antique's shop
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
found your shop name on the top
that is
why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
approach you to sell my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
is
'eye catching' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "eye-catching".
eye catching
by its look I trust the information and there has been of assistance to
Consider adding a comma here.
you
I will be there accept me to sell it shall be available to ensure if all the questions or query from your side as I look forward to a prompt response from your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end

IELTS essay letter to sale my ancient watch

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
176 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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