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Lacking of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

Lacking of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems? maaL
Nowadays, there has always been considerable discussion in terms of the growth seriousness in clean water scarcity all over the world. This essay will discuss about the significant effects and give some substantial solutions for the above issue. Fresh water shortage can be responsible for some severe problems which are relevant to agricultural and industrial aspects. Firstly, if there has a poor supply of fresh water, farmers cannot grow any crops, together with the mass death of animals. Besides, water shortage also leads to the starving of many people, so it is impossible to create profitable yields for cultivation. Secondly, in the absence of sufficient water, mineral exploiters, food suppliers, manufacturers and distributors of electricity may find it difficult to operate their business. Therefore, water has a direct impact on economic sector. Rainwater harvesting is one of the main factor of dealing with water shortage, many areas with very little groundwater reserves can greatly improve the way they harvest rainwater by building larger facilities and incorporating better technologies. In addition, farmers need to capture and dispose of floating pollution in waterway, so we have to design a lot of useful means acting as a barrier for floating water pollution. Moreover, many people in rural areas have extreme difficulties in accessing to clean water source; consequently, donating to a charity to construct wells, sanitation and agricultural systems will help them solve these problems. Furthermore, more developed countries having a higher level of technological advancements can help out greatly by sharing their advancements with developing countries. Last but not least, spreading the message by educating better on the causes and effects of the water crisis, as well as what they can help. So they in turn can teach others and raise awareness. In conclusion, the fresh water scarcity increases alarmingly throughout the world and we must give many solutions for protecting the water source.
Nowadays, there has always been considerable discussion in terms of the growth seriousness in clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
scarcity all over the world. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
significant effects and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substantial solutions for the above issue.

Fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
shortage can be responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe problems which are relevant to agricultural and industrial aspects.
Firstly
, if there has a poor supply of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, farmers cannot grow any crops, together with the mass death of animals.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
shortage
also
leads to the starving of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is impossible to create profitable yields for cultivation.
Secondly
, in the absence of sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, mineral exploiters, food suppliers, manufacturers and distributors of electricity may find it difficult to operate their business.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
has a direct impact on economic sector.

Rainwater harvesting is one of the main factor of dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
shortage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
groundwater reserves can
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the way they harvest rainwater by building larger facilities and incorporating better technologies.
In addition
, farmers need to capture and dispose of floating pollution in waterway,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
design
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useful means acting as a barrier for floating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
pollution.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in rural areas have extreme difficulties in accessing to clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
source;
consequently
, donating to a charity to construct wells, sanitation and agricultural systems will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them solve these problems.
Furthermore
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
having a higher level of technological advancements can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out
greatly
by sharing their advancements with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, spreading the message by educating better on the causes and effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
crisis,
as well
as what they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they in turn can teach others and raise awareness.

In conclusion
, the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
scarcity increases
alarmingly
throughout the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions for protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
source.
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IELTS essay Lacking of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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