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Judging people based on social status and possessions

Judging people based on social status and possessions mbjEN
Human beings since the start of life have needed to rank individuals on a hierarchy ranking, while the concept remains unchanged the components and used criteria of ranking differ depending on the times. In the beginning, an individual's ranking used to be based on their attributes and features like leadership, strength, intelligence, etc. But eventually, everything evolves and so did the way folk got judged upon. Blood relations, excessive wealth, and personal origin were what decided where an individual allegedly belonged on the social pyramid. These caused separations between communities and inevitably led to pervasive discrimination among the lower-ranking by their higher-ups. The general public was incorrectly condemned based merely on their parent's profession and was looked down on. Likewise, nowadays judging humans doesn't affect how they're treated mostly like before however, personal possessions and social ranking despite everything portray an enormous part in the way people are being looked at. A typical illustration represents that being a prominent doctor typically attains such an elevated status and is considered to be a favorable and one of the most respected jobs in modern society. Therefore many crowds chase behind it and with similar professions like engineering just because of the social status they allegedly hold. Times are moving and accordingly is humankind and change are inevitable. Then again, I side more into the "a person's worth is not to be merely decided by their possessions" and judge people by their negative way of treating others. Because no matter what job or how much a figure's wealth is if their ways of improperly handling people are terrible no one is going to respect them for it.
Human beings since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of life have needed to rank individuals on a hierarchy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ranking
, while the concept remains unchanged the components and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
criteria of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ranking
differ depending on the times.

In the beginning, an individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ranking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be based
on their attributes and features like leadership, strength, intelligence, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
eventually
, everything evolves and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
did the way folk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
judged upon.

Blood relations, excessive wealth, and personal origin were what decided where an individual allegedly belonged on the social pyramid. These caused separations between communities and
inevitably
led to pervasive discrimination among the lower-ranking by their higher-ups.

The
Consider using "public".
general public
was
incorrectly
condemned based
merely
on their parent's profession and
was looked
down on.
Likewise
, nowadays judging humans doesn't affect how they're treated
mostly
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
however
, personal possessions and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ranking
despite everything portray an enormous part in the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
being looked
at.

A typical illustration represents that being a prominent doctor
typically
attains such an elevated status and
is considered
to be a favorable and one of the most respected jobs in modern society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crowds chase behind it and with similar professions like engineering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the social status they allegedly hold.

Times are moving and
accordingly
is humankind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
are inevitable.

Then again, I side more into
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or ""a" is left.
the "a
person's worth is not to be
merely
decided by their possessions
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and judge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way of treating others.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
no matter what job or how much a figure's wealth is if their ways of
improperly
handling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are terrible no one is going to respect them for it.
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IELTS essay Judging people based on social status and possessions

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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