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Job satisfaction is one of the most important factor at work. Do you agree?

Job satisfaction is one of the most important factor at work. Do you agree? Xlbm8
A lot of factors come into play concerning work efficiency. As far as I am concerned, job satisfaction certainly is a crucial element amongst other equally essential ones It is true to said that the satisfaction with career is an important element. The first reason is due to keep employees motivated in the workplace. Obviously, people can not work with the best performance without the most mentality. Another reason is that it can boost working morale in the office. It can not deny that the happy state of staffs not only enhances productivity but also connects the colleagues together. However, there are other important elements as well. Firstly, the payment in office is one of the essential thing that workers concern. For example, if the staffs can not receive the salary is commensurate with the job, they can quit their position at anytime. The second element that is also necessary is the promotion prospect. For instance, in a long time without promoted position will make employees are become bored and disappointed that can lead to reduce work productivity. In summary, all of elements that are importance in work is for the personal emotional, or to be more precise, it is job satisfaction. Therefore, everyone should seek a career that is suitable for yourself to have the best state in work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go concerning".
play concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency. As far as I
am concerned
, job satisfaction
certainly
is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
element
amongst other
equally
essential ones

It is true to said that the satisfaction with career is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
element
. The
first
reason is due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
employees motivated in the workplace.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the best performance without the most mentality. Another reason is that it can boost working morale in the office. It can not deny that the happy state of staffs not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhances productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
connects the colleagues together.

However
, there are other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
as well
.
Firstly
, the payment in office is one of the essential thing that workers concern.
For example
, if the staffs can not receive the salary is commensurate with the job, they can quit their position at anytime. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
element
that is
also
necessary is the promotion prospect.
For instance
, in a long time without promoted position will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
employees
are become
bored and disappointed that can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity.

In summary, all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elements
that are importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is for the personal emotional, or to be more precise, it is job satisfaction.
Therefore
, everyone should seek a career
that is
suitable for yourself to have the best state in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay Job satisfaction is one of the most important factor at work. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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