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job hunting for a medical doctor

job hunting for a medical doctor yXGyl
My name is Mostafa Amiri; I am a board-certified neurologist and sleep specialist from Iran. I have been running my neurology and sleep clinic in Iran(Gyrusclinic) for several years with focus on insomnia, sleep apnea and other neurological diseases. Reviewing your faculty profile, I noticed that your main area of expertise is sleep and memory, which I have a deep interest in. I was intrigued by your journal article “Autonomic Activity during a Daytime Nap Facilitates Working Memory Improvement”. A little bit about myself: I am a passionate neurologist who is interested in developing new ideas to manage a range of neurologic diseases and conditions such as: insomnia, sleep apnea, etc. Below is the list of some of my ideas and projects: 1- To develop a Medical Device with various capabilities including frontal cooling, light therapy, sound therapy, and a number of sensors to improve sleep quality: With help of a great biomedical engineers team, We successfully designed and built this device and we are working on the patent process in the United States (I would be glad to discuss it in more details, if you are interested). 2- Designing and building number of virtual reality environments to treat different types of phobias and other anxiety disorders as well as improving sleep quality I am very interested in Interdisciplinary, CrossDisciplinary, and Transdisciplinary attitudes. I have a few other research ideas in the field of sleep disorders based on other disciplines such as virtual reality, artificial intelligence; and it would be an honor to discuss them in more detail with you, as a pioneer in the field of sleep disorders.
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mostafa
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amiri
; I am a board-certified neurologist and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
specialist from Iran. I have been running my neurology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
clinic in Iran(
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gyrusclinic
) for several years with focus on insomnia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
apnea and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
neurological diseases.

Reviewing your faculty profile, I noticed that your main area of expertise is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and memory, which I have a deep interest in. I
was intrigued
by your journal article “Autonomic Activity during a Daytime Nap Facilitates Working Memory Improvement”.

A
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
about myself: I am a passionate neurologist who
is interested
in developing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to manage a range of neurologic diseases and conditions such as: insomnia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
apnea, etc.

Below is the list of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and projects:

1- To develop a Medical Device with various capabilities including frontal cooling, light therapy, sound therapy, and a number of sensors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
quality: With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a great biomedical engineers team, We
successfully
designed and built this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
device and
we are working on the patent process in the United States (I would be glad to discuss it in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, if you
are interested
).

2- Designing and building number of virtual reality environments to treat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of phobias and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
anxiety disorders
as well
as improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
quality

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in Interdisciplinary,
Possible spelling mistake found.
CrossDisciplinary
, and Transdisciplinary attitudes. I have a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
disorders based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
disciplines such as virtual reality, artificial intelligence; and it would be an honor to discuss them in more detail with you, as a pioneer in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
disorders.
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IELTS essay job hunting for a medical doctor

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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