Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Jason went to a new country and have to change his name

Jason went to a new country and have to change his name gbgk3
In Jason’s memoir “Hello my name is____. ” When he went to St. Louis he stopped what he usually does in Korea because he felt he is not included in his school and he started to change. He set a goal for himself at primary school to blend in with his peers because that makes him feel like he is included and comfortable. Firstly, he changed his name because the teacher tells him to so the class can call him easier, secondly, he said: “I stopped speaking Korean and I stopped eating Korean food. ”After a few years, he moved to New York for college. He has often regretted the decisions that he made while moving to a new city, such as New York. He doesn't feel excluded or uncomfortable any longer. Instead, he feels incredibly more special and distinct among other Americans. He says “ I have received many Facebook messages, tweets from Asian, American writers, they were hoping to see some Asians on TV. ” Many American and Asian film producers found it very interesting to see him on a TV show, they also feel like they have a strong sense of connection with Jason. They also found his large potential so they contacted him and gave him a lot of job opportunities. After his first time casting for the TV show, he was very shocked and surprised because he only appeared on the show for a millisecond but the people who watched the shows still recognized him. In conclusion, after he graduated high school, he became more adaptable and confident, he made new friends, and other people also recognized him. In conclusion, when he first move to a new city like St. Louis, he is very shy because he feels very different from his peers in a bad way, but after moved to New York, he gained a lot more confidence, in this time he also feels very different and special from his peers but in a positive way.
In Jason’s memoir “Hello my name is____. ” When he went to St. Louis he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
what he
usually
does in Korea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he felt he is not included in his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. He set a goal for himself at primary school to blend in with his peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like he
is included
and comfortable.
Firstly
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
him to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can call him easier,
secondly
, he said: “I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
speaking Korean and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
eating Korean food.
There should be a space after a closing quote.
”After
a few years, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York for college. He has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regretted the decisions that he made while moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York. He doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
excluded or uncomfortable any longer.
Instead
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
incredibly
more special and distinct among other Americans. He says
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
I have received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Facebook messages, tweets from Asian, American writers, they were hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asians on TV. ”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
American and Asian film producers found it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
him on a TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like they have a strong sense of connection with Jason. They
also
found his large potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they contacted him and gave him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
job opportunities. After his
first
time casting for the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shocked and surprised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
appeared on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
for a millisecond
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
still
recognized him.
In conclusion
, after he
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high school, he became more adaptable and confident, he made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends, and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
recognized him.
In conclusion
, when he
first
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "moves", "moved".
move
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city like St. Louis, he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from his peers in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York, he gained a lot more confidence, in this time he
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and special from his peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Jason went to a new country and have to change his name

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts