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It's generally believed that success in fields such as art and sport can only be achieved if a person has natural talent. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or artist.

A common belief is that a person can achieve success in the arts and sports only if they have innate talent. However, there is another opinion that every child can be taught to become a successful sports person or artist. I believe that person can achieve recognition even without a presence of expressed talent. On the one hand, this days it is noticeable that many famous people have started their long path since childhood and that factor may become really significant on the appearance of such an opinion that person can reach success only with their talent since birth. Ariana Grande can be a vital example for this category of people as she has been on TV shows from her teenage years to this day and occupies a significant position in the music industry. One the another hand, there also people who believe that talent is not a vital part in reaching success and become popular in entertainment industry. As an example I can consider Felix from Korean boy group "Stray Kids". His motherland is Australia, so it was hard for him to learn whole new language and culture, despite the davy that he himself was a Korean. All judges were saying that he can't become k-pop idol as he didn't have any talents, however Felix worked tirelessly and is really popular among k-pop fans at this moment. Finally, from my point of view, talent is not essential factor affecting on popularity in entertainment industry. Innate talent and hard labour are different ffrom each other and usually diligent human beings become society's favourites as we may see how hard they have been working to reach purpose and advance. To sum up, it is not denied that talent will affect on person's pathway on reaching the top, nevertheless, it is not an essential factor on becoming popular for artists and musicians as a person needs to put a lot of effort to develop themselves and their skills where innate talent will not affect in major cases.
A common belief is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can achieve success in the arts and sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they have innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
However
, there is another opinion that every child can
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a successful sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or artist. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can achieve recognition even without a presence of expressed talent.

On the one hand,
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
it is noticeable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their long path since childhood and that factor may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
really
significant on the appearance of such an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can reach success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
since birth. Ariana Grande can be a vital example for this category of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as she has been on TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
from her teenage years to this day and occupies a significant position in the music industry.

One the another hand, there
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is not a vital part in reaching success and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
popular in entertainment industry.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
an example I can consider Felix from Korean boy group
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Stray Kids
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
. His motherland is Australia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for him to learn whole new language and culture, despite the
Possible spelling mistake found.
davy
that he himself was a Korean. All judges were saying that he can't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
k-pop
idol as he didn't have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
,
however
Felix worked
tirelessly
and is
really
popular among
Possible spelling mistake found.
k-pop
fans at this moment.

Finally
, from my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is not essential factor affecting on popularity in entertainment industry. Innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
Possible spelling mistake. ‘labour’ is British English.
labour
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
ffrom
each other and
usually
diligent human beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
society's
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourites’ is British English.
favourites
as we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they have been working to reach purpose and advance.

To sum up, it is not denied that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
will affect on person's pathway on reaching the top,
nevertheless
, it is not an essential factor on becoming popular for artists and musicians as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
needs to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort to develop themselves and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
where innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
will not affect in major cases.
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IELTS essay It's generally believed that success in fields such as art and sport can only be achieved if a person has natural talent. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or artist.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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