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It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v.3

It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 3
Every person is born with different skills. It is generally believed that few people are born with some talents while others claim that it is possible to train anyone to become a well known musician or a famous sports personality. It is true that inherited abilities play a great role, however in my opinion strong determinations and hard work are the key factors to make any child excel in such fields. (72) On the one hand, it is widely thought that some people have inborn talents in various fields. They may have acquired it genetically or might have been fortunate enough to be blessed with those flairs by birth without any genetic predisposition. For instance, it is seen that certain children display the taste in music or sports at a very tender age which proves their inborn instinct. On the contrary, some others fail to exhibit such traits. (76) On the other hand, it is believed that any kid can be trained to become good in the field of music or sports. This is because hard work and dedication can make anything possible, asserting the thought that a child can be taught to be skilful in sports or music. When strong willpower and dedication are coupled with hard work and training from experts, it will eventually pave way for mastering anything. The growing number of academies which provide training in sports and music is an indication of how children can be supported by parents and well-wishers to develop such skills. (101) In my opinion, irrespective of whether a person is born with talent or not, intense desire and hard work can make any person better in sports or music. (28)
Every person
is born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is
generally
believed that few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
talents while others claim that it is possible to train anyone to become a well known musician or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personality. It is true that inherited abilities play a great role,
however
in my opinion strong determinations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are the key factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any child excel in such fields. (72)

On the one hand, it is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have inborn talents in various fields. They may have acquired it
genetically
or might have been fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
be blessed
with those flairs by birth without any genetic predisposition.
For instance
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that certain children display the taste in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tender age which proves their inborn instinct.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others fail to exhibit such traits. (76)

On the other hand
, it
is believed
that any kid can
be trained
to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and dedication can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anything possible, asserting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that a child can
be taught
to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. When strong willpower and dedication
are coupled
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and training from experts, it will
eventually
pave way for mastering anything. The growing number of academies which provide training in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an indication of how children can
be supported
by parents and well-wishers to develop such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. (101)

In my opinion, irrespective of whether a person
is born
with talent or not, intense desire and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any person better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. (28)
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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