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It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. with this change? Why? BJ71j
I will start my presentation, Many people argue that, the right age for the retirement is 60 years, while others has the opinion that the profession of an individual should be the criteria to choose the retirement age. In my opinion, for those who works in the industries which demanding a high level of physical and mental work should be given early retirement, and those who work in a less physical challenge sector like I. T. Professionals, Clerical department, managerial levels could increase the age of retirement. In this presentation, I will provide both arguments and examples to support my view. Firstly, the idea of standard retirement age for all professionals is certainly faulty. This is because different jobs require different skills. For example, the countries like India people working in a police department, construction sector, the army are demanding to have high physical fitness, but since fitness levels decrease with age, they should be given early retirement. Secondly, In the world the health sector has been improved immensely so that the life expectancy of the people has been increased drastically. For instance, in 20th century life expectancy of people was only 45 years in the world, which is now increased to 75 years. Due to this some countries have increased their retirement age law. So now people can work more compared to a previous century. For example, most of the South Asian countries have increased the age of retirement law. In conclusion, retirement age should select on the basis of work, means the group who have more physical work should retire earlier and vice versa. In my opinion, government should consider the nature of the job before deciding the retirement age of any sector.
I will
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start
my presentation,
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Many
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people
argue that, the right
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age
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is 60 years, while others has the opinion that the profession of an individual should be the criteria to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In my opinion, for those who works in the industries which demanding a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
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work
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
early
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retirement
, and those who
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work
in a less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
challenge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
like I. T. Professionals, Clerical department, managerial levels could increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. In this presentation, I will provide both arguments and examples to support my view.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of standard
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all professionals is
certainly
faulty. This is
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because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, the countries like India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in a police department, construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, the army are demanding to have high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since fitness levels decrease with
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age
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
early retirement.

Secondly
, In the world the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
immensely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the life expectancy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
drastically
.
For instance
, in 20th century life expectancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
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only
45 years in the world, which is
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now
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increased
to 75 years. Due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have
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increased
their
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
law.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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now
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people
can
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work
more compared to a previous century.
For example
, most of the South Asian countries have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
law.

In conclusion
,
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should select on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, means the group who have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should retire earlier and vice versa. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider the nature of the job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
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IELTS essay It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. with this change? Why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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