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It is widely believed that people's ability to learn new things decreases with age and that companies should actively recruit younger employees who have great potential to learn. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

It is widely believed that people's ability to learn new things decreases with age and that companies should actively recruit younger employees who have great potential to learn. v. 1
A common belief among people is that companies ought to employ the younger generation who are able to learn better than the older ones whose ability to learn may have declined with age. While it is true that ageing leads to cognitive decline, I disagree that corporations should employ the youth. The reasons for taking this position will be discussed in this essay. Ageing is an inevitable phenomenon that leads to a reduction in the ability of the brain to learn new things. This places a great limitation on the elderly, when it comes to job opportunities. This age group, although, has more experience, often lose out when they are unable to pass screening tests which seem to be a prerequisite for jobs nowadays. Moreover, with the advent of information technology many of them are not able to make use of the computer, thereby eliminating them from jobs which may require computer literacy. For example, a scrutiny of hundred adverts in the Daily Times Newspaper, which I often read reveal that the average age which most organizations prefer to employ is that of individuals less than 40 years. However, I disagree that companies should recruit the younger ones. Although, they are often more energetic, lack of experience is a likely issue in this age group. Since, majority of them are fresh graduates, they most likely will not have any work experience. This will cost the company a lot of money and time to train them to become satisfactory. As an example, the Shell Petroleum Company in Nigeria spends over 40 percent of its revenue on training of new staff from statistics available online. This in my own view is a needless waste of resources. In conclusion, companies which prefer to engage the older and often more experienced personnel are more likely to succeed more than those who prefer the younger inexperienced ones. The additional cost which is saved from not needing to organize new training for older employees is a quite a good incentive in my view.
A common belief among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
ought to employ the younger generation who are able to learn better than the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
whose ability to learn may have declined with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. While it is true that
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
leads to cognitive decline, I disagree that corporations should employ the youth. The reasons for taking this position will
be discussed
in this essay.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Ageing' is British English.
Ageing
is an inevitable phenomenon that leads to a reduction in the ability of the brain to learn new things. This places a great limitation on the elderly, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to job opportunities. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group, although, has more experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
lose out when they are unable to pass screening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
which seem to be a prerequisite for jobs nowadays.
Moreover
, with the advent of information technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the computer, thereby eliminating them from jobs which may require computer literacy.
For example
, a scrutiny of hundred adverts in the Daily Times Newspaper, which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
read reveal that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
which most organizations prefer to employ is that of individuals less than 40 years.

However
, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should recruit the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Although, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
more energetic, lack of experience is a likely issue in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. Since,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
them are fresh graduates, they most likely will not have any work experience. This will cost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and time to train them to become satisfactory. As an example, the Shell Petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
in Nigeria spends over 40 percent of its revenue on training of new staff from statistics available online. This in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is a needless waste of resources.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which prefer to engage the older and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
more experienced personnel are more likely to succeed more than those who prefer the younger inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. The additional cost which
is saved
from not needing to organize new training for older employees is a quite a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
incentive in my view.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay It is widely believed that people's ability to learn new things decreases with age and that companies should actively recruit younger employees who have great potential to learn. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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