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Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

The trend of using internet and staying online has gained the popularity these days. Moreover, with the advancement in technology people are bring able to meet people online and interact in many wars such as chatting and video calling which I suppose to be a negative development. People these days are also meeting those who might not have any relation with them. People are escaping from their parents and responsibilities in order to enjoy the virtual world. In this essay, I shall argue some serious issues that socialising online has got and why I believe is a negative development. To begin with, there are undeniable benifits of the internet but said that at the same time, there are certain problems too that are likely to emerge such as meeting strangers and avoiding parents advices as well as individual's duties. The reason why I reckone this is that avoiding own social values and norms to enjoy the virtual platform could not favour the individual to socialise in his own community. This is because he will be influenced by strangers and unneccessary trend. For illustration, my younger brother do not even recognize our close relative uncle as he spend mush of his time on chating with his cyber friends. Therefore, I believe one should meet the family and friends physically and interact with them to become socialized rather than chating with people over internet and computer devices. Furthermore, no one can guarantee that people on social media would be socialized, at least not in this scenario whrn cyber crime and fraud have gained the momentum in the society. Many wired and awful crimes commited by stangers via online ways are common today. Blackmailing people for money using video and photos of private activities can be taken as a perfect example here. Many innocents are compelled to commit suicide like horrible activity. Seen in this light, it should be understood by every single person that trying to socialise via online medias sometimes may turns into fatal incident. In conclusion, an individual should always be responsible towards his sociatal obligations in order to be socialised rather than inviting drastic consequences to the individual as well as society due to irresponnsible use of internet.
The trend of using internet and staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has gained the popularity these days.
Moreover
, with the advancement in technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are bring able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and interact in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wars such as chatting and video calling which I suppose to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days are
also
meeting those who might not have any relation with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are escaping from their parents and responsibilities in order to enjoy the virtual world. In this essay, I shall argue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues that
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialising’ is British English.
socialising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
and why I believe is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are undeniable
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
of the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
said that at the same time, there are certain problems
Did you mean “to that”?
too that
are likely to emerge such as meeting strangers and avoiding parents advices
as well
as individual's duties. The reason why I
Possible spelling mistake found.
reckone
this is that avoiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
social values and norms to enjoy the virtual platform could not
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
the individual to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialise’ is British English.
socialise
in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
community. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he will
be influenced
by strangers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unneccessary
trend. For illustration, my younger brother do not even recognize our close relative uncle as he
The pronoun ‘he’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “spends”, “spent”.
spend
mush of his time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
chating
with his cyber friends.
Therefore
, I believe one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the family and friends
physically
and interact with them to become
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘socialize’ and ‘socialise’) within a single text.
socialized
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
chating
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over internet and computer devices.

Furthermore
, no one can guarantee that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on social media would be
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘socialize’ and ‘socialise’) within a single text.
socialized
, at least not in this scenario
Possible spelling mistake found.
whrn
cyber crime and fraud have gained the momentum in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
wired and awful crimes
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “committed”, the past tense form of the verb ‘commit’?
commited
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
stangers
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
ways are common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Blackmailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for money using video and photos of private activities can
be taken
as a perfect example here.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
innocents
are compelled
to commit suicide like horrible activity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
in this light, it should
be understood
by every single person that trying to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialise’ is British English.
socialise
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
medias
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may
The modal verb ‘may’ requires the verb’s base form.
turns
into fatal incident.

In conclusion
, an individual should always be responsible towards his
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociatal
obligations in order to be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialised’ is British English.
socialised
rather
than inviting drastic
The usual preposition to use after “consequences” is not “to”. Did you mean “consequences of”, “consequences for”, or “consequences on”?
consequences to
the individual
as well
as society due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
irresponnsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. This is a positive or negative development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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