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It is universally acknowledged that mostly the end products of food and drink comprise a considerable volume of sugar, which is threatening our health. Consequently, one proposes that sugary products necessitate to be priced higher to prompt us to follow less-sugar-consumption pattern

It is universally acknowledged that mostly the end products of food and drink comprise a considerable volume of sugar, which is threatening our health. Consequently, one proposes that sugary products necessitate to be priced higher to prompt us to follow less-sugar-consumption pattern O6pX7
It is universally acknowledged that mostly the end products of food and drink comprise a considerable volume of sugar, which is threatening our health. Consequently, one proposes that sugary products necessitate to be priced higher to prompt us to follow less-sugar-consumption pattern, be that as it may, this can hardly hold true in every situation. This essay will demonstrate why I think negatively on this point from two perspectives. Based on the existing poverty circumstance, economical alternatives should have remained. Although there is a increasing number of people start to get conscious of eating health, at the same time, those who live below average are still maintaining their physicals with the sugary food such as bread, rice, noodles, etc. This kind of food might help largely them to regain the needed energy at the lowest cost. Hypothetically, in the future, all the price of so-called unhealthy food would have gone up, what else they can eat? Therefore, given the throughout current society, this strategy hard to put into practice. Based on the social science, especially the mindset principle, one’s determination to the health life is way more effective than being attracted by a slightly lower price. If I were a person who has the faith to pursue all the sweet food in the world, no matter how cheap the no-sugar-food is or even for free, I would not touch them, and vice versa.
It is
universally
acknowledged that
mostly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
products of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drink comprise a considerable volume of sugar, which is threatening our health.
Consequently
, one proposes that sugary products necessitate to
be priced
higher to prompt us to follow less-sugar-consumption pattern, be that as it may, this can hardly hold true in every situation. This essay will demonstrate why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
negatively
on this point from two perspectives.

Based on the existing poverty circumstance, economical alternatives should have remained. Although there is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
conscious of eating health, at the same time, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below average are
still
maintaining their physicals with the sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as bread, rice, noodles, etc. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
largely
them to regain the needed energy at the lowest cost.
Hypothetically
, in the future, all the price of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would have gone up, what else they can eat?
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the throughout
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, this strategy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to put into practice.

Based on the social science,
especially
the mindset principle, one’s determination to the health life is way more effective than
being attracted
by a
slightly
lower price. If I were a person who has the faith to pursue all the sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the world, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
the no-sugar-food is or even for free, I would not touch them, and vice versa.
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IELTS essay It is universally acknowledged that mostly the end products of food and drink comprise a considerable volume of sugar, which is threatening our health. Consequently, one proposes that sugary products necessitate to be priced higher to prompt us to follow less-sugar-consumption pattern

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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