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Causes of addiction to social networks.

Causes of addiction to social networks. QlQ13
Today, the matter of social networks addiction has attracted much attention from society. This essay aims to investigate the causes of this, and there are some reasons contributing to social networks addiction such as showing thoughts and feelings, the need for connection, and negative behaviours. One important factor to take into consideration is the need for self-expression. First of all, people are tend to struggle to express themselves with others. It means that they express their emotions or mind on some social website to share their happiness, sadness, and so on to others understand what they think. Secondly, depending on using social networks, some people can pursue their passions and interests. Following idols, for example, is one of the ways to make addiction in people, because when they want to find the information of their idols, they always use social networks to look up. Another reason worth taking into account is the strong desire for connection. To begin with, many people want to have a lot of the invitations or acceptance of friends, likes, shares, and so on; therefore, they spend a lot of time using social websites to check the others’ interactions with them. Secondly, they do not want to behind the times, for if they do not understand the news or the events in social networks, they think they will be backward. Last but not least, almost all people using social networks usually make more friends or have new relationships to create many kinds of relationships. Furthermore, people cannot manage their behaviors when using social networks. Firstly, people depend on social networks, so they will have some negative behaviors such as violence, anger, or so on. Secondly, some people cannot get out of the virtual world. This leads to that they immerse in their mind and do not care about everything around them. Finally, instead of spending time working or studying, some people spend almost their time on social networks. In conclusion, getting addicted to social networks is caused by those reasons. Therefore, people should be cautious when using it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
addiction has attracted much attention from society. This essay aims to investigate the causes of this, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
addiction such as showing thoughts and feelings, the need for connection, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to take into consideration is the need for self-expression.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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people
are tend to struggle to express themselves with others. It means that they express their emotions or mind on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
website to share their happiness, sadness, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on to others understand what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
Secondly
, depending on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pursue their passions and interests. Following idols,
for example
, is one of the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
addiction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they want to find the information of their idols, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
to look up.

Another reason worth taking into account is the strong desire for connection. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the invitations or acceptance of friends, likes, shares, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on;
therefore
, they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using
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social
websites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the others’ interactions with them.
Secondly
, they do not want to behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, for if they do not understand the news or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they will be backward. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends or have new relationships to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of relationships.

Furthermore
,
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people
cannot manage their behaviors when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
.
Firstly
,
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people
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
behaviors such as violence, anger, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of the virtual world. This leads to that they immerse in their mind and do not care about everything around them.
Finally
,
instead
of spending
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time
working or studying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend almost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks.

In conclusion
, getting addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
is caused
by those reasons.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be cautious when using it.
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IELTS essay Causes of addiction to social networks.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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