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It is suggested that curfew hours must be implemented among children. And they are only allowed to go out at night with the supervision of adult. Do you agree or disagree?

It is suggested that curfew hours must be implemented among children. And they are only allowed to go out at night with the supervision of adult. 856Bl
Recently, the state restricted adolescents from going outside late at night without the supervision of an adult. While others are against this mandate, some are in favour. It is my strong conviction that such restriction is necessary for children because the community is dangerous at late night and if they are in their home during such time, they can bond with their family and can foster a good relationship. To begin with, at night, outside home is unsafe because of some people with criminal minds. Thieves and other criminals often operate on the cover of the dark. They hide in the dark corners and waiting for their next victim. This unfortunate phenomenon is evident on the Police record in the City of Baguio which shows that seventy per cent of crimes happened at night time, and eighty per cent of the victims are between 12 to 15 years old. Hence, if young people are inside their home late at night, they will be protected and will not fall as a victim of criminals. Additionally, Due to the busy life of parents caused by work-related activities and the social life of children, family members often do not have time together. If children are in their homes at night with their parent and other family members, they can bond together and this will foster a good relationship. Curfew hours could be used to do interesting things with family members like baking, watching a movie and even a simple talk. In a survey conducted by ‘JAG magazine’, the average time that all family members are together in the United States is 45 minutes and it was concluded that this is the reason why children are not properly guided by parents. If curfew is implemented a time to be together will be created. Although with the supervision of parents, children might be protected when they go out at night, I believe that it is still unsafe for them because a villain could still do wrong things like murder or robbery. They might end up as both a victim of crimes. Hence, it would be much better to impose curfew among adolescent. In conclusion, preventing children from leaving home late at night is necessary because this will not only ensure their safety, but this could also create time with other family members.
Recently, the state restricted adolescents from going outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
without the supervision of an adult. While others are against this mandate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. It is my strong conviction that such restriction is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the community is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and if they are in their home during such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they can bond with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and can foster a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
, outside home is unsafe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with criminal minds. Thieves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
operate on the cover of the dark. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
in the dark corners and waiting for their
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
. This unfortunate phenomenon is evident on the Police record in the City of Baguio which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that seventy per cent of crimes happened at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and eighty per cent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
are
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 12 and 15".
between 12 to 15
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Hence
, if young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inside their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
, they will
be protected
and will not fall as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
of criminals.

Additionally
, Due to the busy life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
caused by work-related activities and the social life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, they can bond together and this will foster a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship. Curfew hours could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do interesting things with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
like baking, watching a movie and even a simple talk. In a survey conducted by ‘JAG magazine’, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are together in the United States is 45 minutes and it
was concluded
that this is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
properly
guided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
curfew
is implemented
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be together will
be created
.

Although with the supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
be protected
when they go out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
, I believe that it is
still
unsafe for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a villain could
still
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things like murder or robbery. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up as both a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
of crimes.
Hence
, it would be much better to impose curfew among adolescent.

In conclusion
, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from leaving home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ensure their safety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could
also
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.

IELTS essay It is suggested that curfew hours must be implemented among children. And they are only allowed to go out at night with the supervision of adult.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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