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On the contrary, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that...(Mention second statement with one reason)....Besides this, (give the second reason to support second view).

On the contrary, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that. . . (Mention second statement with one reason). . . . Besides this, (give the second reason to support second view). XGybN
It is a widely held belief that parents should motivate their kids to join the group ventures, but there is a strong counter-argument amongst sections of the people that Parents should let them free to do any solo activity, they passionate about. However, I am of the opinion that this is a matter to be debated in light of several factors before a reasonable conclusion can be drawn. The first and foremost reason is that Group tasks give them a huge exposer of Social life. They will understand the individual's behaviour and attitude, which will be better for their personal as well as for social well-being. For instance, In 2009, Delhi University has proved that the off-springs who spend more time in the social activities or group activities, become great life observer and always be able to maintain a fine balance in their personal as well as social life. The second worth-mentioning reason here is that they learn collaboration with other members and Respect them, in result, they become more enthusiastic towards other's point of view which is the quality of a remarkable team leader. On the contrary, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that young minds are entitled to enjoy their free time in their own way. In this contemporary era, the Competition is extremely high in every area especially in education and children are usually forced by parents and teachers to perform better than their capability, Due to which they feel under stress. So it's highly essential for the parents to allow the youngster to spend their less occupy time to do the solo activities they adore. This will help them to release stress and pressure of study. For example, They always enjoy the activities they eager to do and this joy and merriment with help them to forget their worries, in result more productivity in other tasks. Besides this, Sometimes they Spend time on activities which become their life time passion and career Such as computer programming, YouTuber etc. After analysing both the views, I am of the opinion that although children feel more relaxed and free in individual tasks, children would benefit tremendously when they are experienced working together in a team, rather than being independent.
It is a
widely
held belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should motivate their kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
ventures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a strong counter-argument amongst sections of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them free to do any solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, they passionate about.
However
, I am of the opinion that this is a matter to
be debated
in light of several factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

The
first
and foremost reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Group
tasks give them a huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
exposer
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They will understand the individual's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and attitude, which will be better for their personal
as well
as for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
well-being.
For instance
, In 2009, Delhi University has proved that the off-springs who spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, become great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
observer and always be able to maintain a fine balance in their personal
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The second worth-mentioning reason here is that they learn collaboration with other members and Respect them, in result, they become more enthusiastic towards other's point of view which is the quality of a remarkable team leader.

On the contrary
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
vehemently
contend that young minds
are entitled
to enjoy their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. In this contemporary era, the Competition is
extremely
high in every area
especially
in education and children are
usually
forced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers to perform better than their capability, Due to which they feel under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's
highly
essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the youngster to spend their less occupy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do the solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they adore. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure of study.
For example
, They always enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they eager to do and this joy and merriment with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to forget their worries, in result more productivity in other tasks.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they Spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which become their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
passion and career Such as computer programming, YouTuber etc.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the views, I am of the opinion that although children feel more relaxed and free in individual tasks, children would benefit
tremendously
when they
are experienced
working together in a team,
rather
than being independent.
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IELTS essay On the contrary, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that. . . (Mention second statement with one reason). . . . Besides this, (give the second reason to support second view).

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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