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It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that people who visit foreign countries are more open to differences and they are able to understand others in a better way. I strongly agree with this statement because of the reasons which will be discussed in this essay. It is scientifically proven that the interaction with people of different cultures can affect one’s personality to a great extent. When people go to foreign countries, they have to face unfamiliar situations. Living in such unfamiliar situations makes people more adaptable to different circumstances. Thus they will become more tolerant of change/difference. This personality trait will help them to take more risks and accept changes in the future. As these kinds of people are more exposed to different lifestyles, customs and food habits, they understand others better. By contrast, people who are not exposed to different cultures will be more narrow-minded than people who travel overseas frequently. It is difficult for them to adapt to unfamiliar situations compared to people who travelled and got exposed to different cultures. This is evident among uneducated people living in rural areas. They do not have much exposure to the outside world. They are very comfortable with their locality and they follow only traditional way of life. It is very difficult for them to embrace change. And also, it is difficult for them to understand and accept people who follow a different lifestyle. In conclusion, people who are exposed to different cultures and practices are more open to different situations. They are tolerant and venture into new avenues with an open mind and they understand people better than people who do not travel much.
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Some
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people
argue that
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people
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who
visit foreign countries are more open to
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differences and
they are able to
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understand
others in a better way. I
strongly
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agree
with this statement
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because
of the reasons which will
be discussed
in this essay.

It is
scientifically
proven that the interaction with
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people
of
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different
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cultures
can affect one’s personality to a great extent. When
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people
go to foreign countries, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face unfamiliar
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situations
. Living in such unfamiliar
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situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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people
more adaptable to
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different
circumstances.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they will become more tolerant of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
/difference. This personality trait will
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help
them to take more
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risks
and accept
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changes
in the future. As these kinds of
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people
are more
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exposed
to
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different
lifestyles, customs and food habits, they
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understand
others better.

By contrast,
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people
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who
are not
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exposed
to
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different
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cultures
will be more narrow-minded than
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people
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who
travel overseas
frequently
. It is difficult for them to adapt to unfamiliar
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situations
compared to
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people
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who
travelled and
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got
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exposed
to
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different
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cultures
. This is evident among uneducated
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people
living in rural areas. They do not have much exposure to the outside world. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable with their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
locality and
they follow
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only
traditional way of life. It is
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very
difficult for them to embrace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. And
also
, it is difficult for them to
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understand
and accept
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people
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who
follow a
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different
lifestyle.

In conclusion
,
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people
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who
are
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exposed
to
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different
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cultures
and practices are more open to
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different
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situations
. They are tolerant and venture into new avenues with an open
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they
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understand
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people
better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not travel much.
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IELTS essay It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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