Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Moving the industries to rural areas by the government is occurring in several countries. This is because the government planning to expand the industries field and provide more job opportunities evenly around the country. Expanding the industries can be done by placing the manufacturer of the company into a different area such as a pedestrian. Having branch manufacture in a rural area can help the company to decrease the cost of production because there are a lot of raw material sources like water source in a mountain area, although this separates the workers from their families in the city. For instance, a drinking water company, Danone, has a home manufacturer in Kebumen near the mountains. Mountains provide a lot of water sources and they do not have to use a lot of budgets to get there. Therefore, if this continuously runs, the company can save their funds to create new products in the future. Having several manufacturers give benefits to many people, providing job opportunities. People can get a new job and they do not have to worrisome, even though they have to adjust to the new environment there. For example, Wardah Cosmetic hired more than 100 employees to work in the new manufacturer's branch in West Sumatra in 2010, this is because they need more workers to fulfill their targets. In conclusion, moving the industries to a rural place gives some advantages to the company and society, because they can hire more people to work and enlarge their manufacturer fields.
Moving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is occurring in several countries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
planning to expand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
field and provide more job opportunities
evenly
around the country.

Expanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
can
be done
by placing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturer
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
such as a pedestrian. Having branch manufacture in a rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to decrease the cost of production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
raw material sources like water source in a mountain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, although this separates the workers from their families in the city.
For instance
, a drinking water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, Danone, has a home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturer
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kebumen
near the mountains. Mountains provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
water
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sources and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
budgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
there.
Therefore
, if this
continuously
runs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can save their funds to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products in the future.

Having several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturers
give benefits to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, providing job opportunities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worrisome,
even though
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adjust to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment there.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wardah
Cosmetic hired more than 100 employees to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
manufacturer's branch in West Sumatra in 2010, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need more workers to fulfill their targets.

In conclusion
, moving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to a rural place gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can hire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work and enlarge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturer
fields.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts