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It is said that volunteering should be a compulsory part of secondary education programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your answer with examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is said that volunteering should be a compulsory part of secondary education programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) Support your answer with examples from your own knowledge or experience. Mw9gL
There is no doubt that volunteering in community services is an excellent way for students' overall development. While it is true that students can learn many aspects of life from volunteering, I believe that it should not be made mandatory for them. One of the major benefits of participating in unpaid social services is that it helps students to understand the essence of collaboration. This is because most of the social activities happen with a group and students get to interact with people from various parts of society. Furthermore, participation in these services help students to become more patient and empathetic. For example, when someone is teaching sports to younger children, they have to listen to the children's problems multiple times during that time. As a result, he tends to be more approachable to others when he grows up. Similarly, one tends to be more empathetic towards the cleaning workers if he has been responsible to clean his neighbourhood. Nevertheless, I would argue that the voluntary activities should not be made mandatory. The reason is that it will put tremendous pressure on the students. Students, who are part of the secondary education, generally have to appear for multiple examinations as per their academic requirements. Therefore, if attending community services made mandatory, many of them may lose interest in it. In addition, they may not learn anything as they will have no interest in such activities. Therefore, it should be made optional where people with genuine interest will participate. As a result, the students will be able to incorporate the learning in their future. In conclusion, although volunteering is beneficial to learn teamwork and be more patient and empathetic, I believe it should rather be made optional as otherwise, it will overburden the students and they will lose interest from these activities.
There is no doubt that volunteering in community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is an excellent way for students'
overall
development. While it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life from volunteering, I believe that it should not
be made
mandatory for them.

One of the major benefits of participating in unpaid social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the essence of collaboration. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
happen with a group and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various parts of society.
Furthermore
, participation in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become more patient and empathetic.
For example
, when someone is teaching sports to younger children, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
listen to the children's problems multiple times during that time.
As a result
, he tends to be more approachable to others when he grows up.
Similarly
, one tends to be more empathetic towards the cleaning workers if he has been responsible to clean his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

Nevertheless
, I would argue that the voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should not
be made
mandatory. The reason is that it will put tremendous pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
, who are part of the secondary education,
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
appear for multiple examinations as per their academic requirements.
Therefore
, if attending community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
made mandatory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them may lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in it.
In addition
, they may not learn anything as they will have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
, it should
be made
optional where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
will participate.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to incorporate the learning in their future.

In conclusion
, although volunteering is beneficial to learn teamwork and be more patient and empathetic, I believe it should
rather
be made
optional as
otherwise
, it will overburden the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they will lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay It is said that volunteering should be a compulsory part of secondary education programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) Support your answer with examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • It is said that volunteering should be a compulsory part of secondary education programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your answer with examples from your own knowledge or experience.