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"It is said that there is more and more discrimination towards teenagers in Vietnam these days."

"It is said that there is more and more discrimination towards teenagers in Vietnam these days. " mXG5q
In my opinion, I agree with the statement that there is more and more discrimination towards teenagers in Vietnam these days. First, school violence is youth violence occurs at school. A young person can be a victim for a group of people. According to a research of CDC, they said”Deaths resulting from school violence are only part of the problem. Many young people experience nonfatal injuries. Some of these injuries are relatively minor and include cuts, bruises, and broken bones” which is very serious. School violence can lead to depression, suicide which had appears on TV, news in Vietnam for years lately. In Vietnam, school violence does not only take place in the form of fighting, but also psychological attacks. These may affect the logical thinking and lifestyle of the student who suffer from school violence.
In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that there is more and more discrimination towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in Vietnam these days.
First
,
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
occurs at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. A young person can be a victim for a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
of CDC, they said
There should be a space after a closing quote.
”Deaths
resulting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
part of the problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience nonfatal injuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these injuries are
relatively
minor and include
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
, bruises, and broken bones” which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can lead to depression, suicide which had appears on TV, news in Vietnam for years lately. In Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take place in the form of fighting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
psychological attacks. These may affect the logical thinking and lifestyle of the student who suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.

IELTS essay "It is said that there is more and more discrimination towards teenagers in Vietnam these days. "

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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