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It is said that day-by-day people’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What are the reasons behind that? What can be done to solve this problem? v.7

It is said that day-by-day people’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What are the reasons behind that? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 7
Today, human's lifestyle has become more complicated than ever before. A variety of factors has been implicated for this, however, I believe that traffic congestion and job competition are two leading reasons, and the government should consider two solutions to tackle them. To begin with, traffic jam has intensified the level of stress in cities. Increasing the number of vehicles in urban, the level of noise pollution has been increased fundamentally. In this case, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, the number of private cars has doubled each two years since last decade, reaching over five million vehicles and leading the citizens to be annoyed more by loud noises created by them. To address this issue, governments should encourage dwellers to use safer vehicles, including bicycles, instead of private cars, reducing the bad traffic, especially in the central areas of cities. Another factor is that the level of competition between people has considerably been increased. Definitely, to find their favourable jobs, applicants have to achieve more qualifications and experience than the past. They have to study longer years to achieve the needed certifications to apply and surpass other rivals. For instance, now an electric engineer should be familiar with not only computer software, but with new communication systems; therefore, they have to study longer time at college or university, even nearly four years, to obtain the required certification. As a result, they will have a more stressful life to pass exams or pay tuitions. To solve it, administrations should help inhabitants financially more to be able to pay tuition with less stress, and create more job positions to subside the level of competition between them. In conclusion, traffic and job competition are two leading reasons that have caused individuals to have more challenging in their life. I think state authorities should consider some practical plans which encourage people to use less their private cars and assist them to be able to have less anxiety during their study or searching for jobs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, human's lifestyle has become more complicated than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. A variety of factors has
been implicated
for this,
however
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are two leading reasons, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should consider two solutions to tackle them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam has intensified the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in cities. Increasing the number of vehicles in urban, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of noise pollution has
been increased
fundamentally
.
In this case
, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, the number of private cars has doubled each two years since last decade, reaching over five million vehicles and leading the citizens to
be annoyed
more by loud noises created by them. To address this issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage dwellers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
safer vehicles, including bicycles,
instead
of private cars, reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
,
especially
in the central areas of cities.

Another factor is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
considerably
been increased
. Definitely, to find their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, applicants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
achieve more qualifications and experience than the past. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study longer years to achieve the needed certifications to apply and surpass other rivals.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
an electric engineer should be familiar with not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
computer software,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with new communication systems;
therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study longer time at college or university, even
nearly
four years, to obtain the required certification.
As a result
, they will have a more stressful life to pass exams or pay
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
. To solve it, administrations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
inhabitants
financially
more to be able to pay tuition with less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions to subside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
between them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
are two leading reasons that have caused individuals to have more challenging in their life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
state authorities should consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical plans which encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
less their private cars and assist them to be able to have less anxiety during their study or searching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is said that day-by-day people’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What are the reasons behind that? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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