Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. v.1

Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. v. 1
The music industry has become widespread and prevailing day-by-day as adults have the awareness to music since their school. But some people have controversial opinion and emphasis that school budget and time should only fix for science and computer subject instead of music. I accord to this argument as it is a prerequisite of time. This essay will analyse the both sides of view. To begin with, as this is the age of science and technology and our planet requires more exposure to nature for making life more valid and convenient on it. This goal can only be achieved if we have sufficient scientists, astronomers and sea divers etc. Further, students are the future of any nation. By having more science and information technology pupil at a school, there will be adequate researchers and engineers in upcoming days alternatively. Hence, there is a need to build more research and computer labs furnished with advanced equipment in schools. Moreover, the world has been contracted just because of development in information technology. If children will have easy access to internet and Microsoft software since their childhood, they will indeed be the Bill Gates of the future. For instance, Arfa Karim (Late) became the youngest Microsoft certified professional at the age of nine. She made her nation proud by getting a prize of performance and the invitation from Bill Gates to visit Microsoft headquarter in the United State. In contrast, music has its own place in the empowerment of a region. Some students, who have extraordinary talent in music, may become well- known musicians and directors in future. To sum up, although science and technology are inevitable for the world but there should always be space for students to learn according to their curiosity.
The
music
industry has become widespread and prevailing day-by-day as adults have the awareness to
music
since their school.
But
some
people
have controversial opinion and emphasis that school budget and time should
only
fix
for
science
and computer subject
instead
of
music
. I accord to this argument as it is a prerequisite of time. This essay will
analyse
the both sides of view.

To
begin
with, as this is the age of
science
and
technology
and our planet requires more exposure to nature for making life more valid and convenient on it. This goal can
only
be achieved
if we have sufficient scientists, astronomers and sea divers etc.

Further
, students are the future of any nation. By having more
science
and information
technology
pupil at a school, there will be adequate researchers and engineers in upcoming days
alternatively
.
Hence
, there is a need to build more research and computer labs furnished with advanced equipment in schools.

Moreover
, the world has
been contracted
just
because
of development in information
technology
. If children
will have
easy access to internet and Microsoft software since their childhood, they will
indeed
be the Bill Gates of the future.
For instance
,
Arfa
Karim (Late) became the youngest Microsoft certified professional at the age of nine. She made her nation proud by getting a prize of performance and the invitation from Bill Gates to visit Microsoft
headquarter
in the United State.
In contrast
,
music
has its
own
place in the empowerment of a region.
Some
students, who have extraordinary talent in
music
, may become well- known musicians and directors
in future
.

To sum up, although
science
and
technology
are inevitable for the world
but
there should always be space for students to learn according to their curiosity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts