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It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime?

In recent time, the growing rate of juvenile delinquency is related to many aggressive and brutal medias such as video games and violent content movies. In my perspective, however, I also strong believe that the lack of parental guidance and the increasing of are main causes and also playing a key role in the cumulative rate of committed a crime by youth. To begin with, The unstrengthen bonds of families is the main problem of the criminality because many parents work harder and don’t have too much time to take care of their children. Consequently, it can contribute to the chances for them to deviate from the path of righteousness and create some undesirable space of relationship between youngster and their parents. Another potential cause for the escalation of juvenile crime is young adults are highly convinced by the mainstream media; they try to imitate the behavior they see and believing its better way to solve their conflicts through aggression. In other words, children who watch television and play severity games become desensitised to violence and they assumed it as a way of life. Thus, when these youth go out in the real-world, some attempt to implement those solution without thinking of the consequences. Nevertheless, there are a few effective solutions can be alleviated to reduce the crimes committed by juveniles. Firstly, parents should spend more time with taking care of their children and monitor their behavior. Another method to deal with this problem would be to provide counselling and advice for troubled children and teenagers who have had problems. Additionally, Importantly, becoming a role model and instill important virtues into them because children will emulate what they see. In conclusion, spend more time with them and providing help for youth who are tend to exposed to violence provided by parents is the best way to significant decrease the crime rate and for their overall well-being in the rest of their lives.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the growing rate of juvenile delinquency
is related
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aggressive and brutal medias such as video games and violent content movies. In my perspective,
however
,
A verb may be missing.
I
also
strong
Did you mean “belief” (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that the lack of parental guidance and the increasing of are main causes and
also
playing a key role in the cumulative rate of committed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by youth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
unstrengthen
bonds of families is the main problem of the criminality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents work harder and don’t have too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, it can contribute to the chances for them to deviate from the path of righteousness and create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undesirable space of relationship between youngster and their parents.

Another potential cause for the escalation of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is young adults are
highly
convinced by the mainstream media; they try to imitate the behavior they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and believing its better way to solve their conflicts through aggression.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television and play severity games become
Possible spelling mistake. ‘desensitised’ is British English.
desensitised
to
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
violence and
they assumed it as a way of life.
Thus
, when
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘youth’. Did you mean “this youth” or “these youths”?
these youth
go out in the real-world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attempt to implement
‘Those’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘solution’. Did you mean “this solution” or “those solutions”?
those solution
without thinking of the consequences.

Nevertheless
, there are a few effective solutions can
be alleviated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by juveniles.
Firstly
, parents should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and monitor their behavior. Another method to deal with this problem would be to provide counselling and advice for troubled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who have had problems.
Additionally
,
Importantly
, becoming a role model and instill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
virtues into them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will emulate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

In conclusion
, spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them and providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for youth who are
Consider using either the past participle “tended” or the present participle “tending” here.
tend
to exposed to violence provided by parents is the best way to significant decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and for their
overall
well-being in the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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