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It is often said that wealth is the most significant factor for getting happiness.

It is often said that wealth is the most significant factor for getting happiness. While some people believe it, some others tend to oppose that view and feel that money has nothing to do with happiness. I strongly believe that money does not play a major role in a cheerful person’s life. On one side of the argument, there are people who think that money could increase the level of gladness of their lives. Surely, if you have money, you will buy everything you want like home, car and so on. So, lacking money would influence on people’s both lives also happiness. For example, one of my friends, whose father is a businessman, always buy luxury clocks, shirts and new devices. Although he seems happy, when I was talking to him; he told me about something worthwhile which would not get with money. On the other side of argument, there are people who believe that happiness is not affected by money. Certainly, individuals cannot buy gladness with money. Furthermore, based on the psychologist’sidea, happiness is the satisfactory feedback of what you have done, or what has occurred. For instance, I found my son so cheerful because of his great mark in the exam, and also I found myself happy because my favorite football team won a match. So, it is fair to say that the concept of happiness differs from being rich. To conclude, this essay discussed that money just can create passive happiness and some examples have proved that the major reasons of happiness are something different from money. What we need to keep in mind is that happiness has nothing to do with money.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that wealth is the most significant factor for getting happiness.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others tend to oppose that view and feel that

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
money
has nothing to do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
play


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
a
major role in a cheerful person’s life.

On one side of the argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
increase
the level of gladness of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Surely
, if you have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
everything
you want like home, car and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would influence

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, one of my friends, whose
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
father


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
is
a businessman, always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury clocks, shirts and new devices. Although
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
he


seems happy, when I was talking to him; he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me about something worthwhile

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
which
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
with money.

On the other side of argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Certainly
, individuals cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
gladness with money.

Furthermore
, based on the psychologist’
Possible spelling mistake found.
sidea
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is the satisfactory feedback

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
of
what you have done, or what has occurred.
For instance
, I found my son
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
so


cheerful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his great mark in the exam, and
also
I found myself happy

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
because
my favorite football team won a match.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to say that the concept

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
differs from being rich.

To conclude
, this essay discussed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can create passive happiness

and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples have proved that the major reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are something

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. What we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
has
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
nothing


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
to
do with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay It is often said that wealth is the most significant factor for getting happiness.

Essay
  American English
22 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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