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It is often argued that today, a number of mothers do not have a keen on abandoning their family to do outwork jobs, while others think that it is significant to be paid by the states

It is often argued that today, a number of mothers do not have a keen on abandoning their family to do outwork jobs, while others think that it is significant to be paid by the states m1o5q
It is often argued that today, a number of mothers do not have a keen on abandoning their family to do outwork jobs, while others think that it is significant to be paid by the states. I entirely agree with the second opinion and think it is vitally important for families to have a governmental occupation. To begin with, there are a plethora of factors why individuals should have an outwork paid career. Firstly, these jobs would have a positive impact on their mental health. For example, when an employee makes a bond with their co-workers, they are more likely to come across a colossal problem so, it can increase their serotonin hormone level which is related to their happiness emotion. Moreover, the achievement of a company is highly dependent on the mental hygiene of labor. That is why communication leading to happiness in outworking has played a crucial role in labor’s mental agility and wellness. Secondly, working outside may bring about better job opportunities for the people. That is to say, a person can find a high-paid job that easily fulfills their desires and get a promotion. For instance, if an employee meets the demand of a company and satisfies the requirements, they can instantly request to increase their wages; consequently, having a governmental career not only does it provides high salaries but also improve quality of life. To conclude, I firmly believe that although paying attention to the family unit is necessary, it is not appropriate to sacrifice your outwork job for the sake of it.
It is
often
argued that
today
, a number of mothers do not have a keen on abandoning their family to do outwork
jobs
, while others
think
that it is significant to
be paid
by the states. I
entirely
agree
with the second opinion and
think
it is
vitally
important
for families to have a governmental occupation.

To
begin
with, there are a plethora of factors why individuals should have an outwork paid career.
Firstly
, these
jobs
would have a
positive
impact on their mental health.
For example
, when an employee
makes
a bond with their co-workers, they are more likely to
come
across a colossal problem
so
, it can increase their serotonin hormone level which
is related
to their happiness emotion.
Moreover
, the achievement of a
company
is
highly
dependent on the mental hygiene of labor.
That is
why communication leading to happiness in outworking has played a crucial role in labor’s mental agility and wellness.

Secondly
, working outside may bring about better
job
opportunities for the
people
.
That is
to say, a person can find a high-paid
job
that
easily
fulfills their desires and
get
a promotion.
For instance
, if an employee meets the demand of a
company
and satisfies the requirements, they can
instantly
request to increase their wages;
consequently
, having a governmental career not
only
does it
provides
high salaries
but
also
improve
quality of life.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that although paying attention to the family unit is necessary, it is not appropriate to sacrifice your outwork
job
for the sake of it.
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IELTS essay It is often argued that today, a number of mothers do not have a keen on abandoning their family to do outwork jobs, while others think that it is significant to be paid by the states

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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