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It is often a frequent topic of discussion is that if parents allow their children to take pocket money per week,they will face fewer problems related to controlling their income

It is often a frequent topic of discussion is that if parents allow their children to take pocket money per week, they will face fewer problems related to controlling their income xgBWg
It is often a frequent topic of discussion is that if parents allow their children to take pocket money per week, they will face fewer problems related to controlling their income when they are grown-up. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with the given conception and I will state my inclinations in the following paragraphs. To the beginning, in today's modern world, it is difficult to live a successf ul life without money. For young children, a pocket money which is given by their parents per week or each day is very pivotal since they do not have any income except this. It seems to me that, sharing a pocket money with their children is best of the parents. Because they provide their children not to enter illegal ways in order to earn money without permission form their parents. Many people believe that the cause of half crimes is not owing a money and a poor bakcground. Furthermore, nowadays more and more parents spend half of their day getting lost at work and it leads to lack of closeness in families. That is why youngsters have become autonomous and sometimes solve their problems by themselves without associating with their parents. I feel that if parents give pocket money to their children, it helps them to improve their skills about how controlling money and directing it to different purposes carefully both in their current and future life. The more youth ulitilize money, the more they become matured and wise with it. It also guides them to value money which is gained as a result of hard work. In conclusion, children who are given a pocket m oney per week will not face any negative behaviour. I believe that it works for the benefit of them and they grow up as economical people who are able managing their money.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a frequent topic of discussion is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take

pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
per week, they will face fewer problems related to controlling their income

when they
are grown
-up. As far as I
am concerned
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given


conception and I will state my inclinations in the following paragraphs.

To the beginning, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
successf ul
life without

money. For young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, a pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
per week or

each day is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pivotal since they do not have any income except this. It seems to me

that, sharing a pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is best of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they

provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to enter illegal ways in order to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without

permission form their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the cause of half crimes is not

owing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and a poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
bakcground
.

Furthermore
, nowadays more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend half of their day getting lost at

work and it leads to lack of closeness in families.
That is
why youngsters have become

autonomous and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
solve their problems by themselves without associating

with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I feel that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them

to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
about how controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and directing it to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


purposes
carefully
both in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and future life. The more youth
Possible spelling mistake found.
ulitilize


money, the more they become matured and wise with it. It
also
guides them to value

money which
is gained
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a pocket
Possible spelling mistake found.
m oney
per week will not face any

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. I believe that it works for the benefit of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they grow up as

economical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are able managing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay It is often a frequent topic of discussion is that if parents allow their children to take pocket money per week, they will face fewer problems related to controlling their income

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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