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It is observed that, currently more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on the society?.

It is observed that, currently more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on the society? . BYJ5d
The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented increase in the globalised marketplace. This has raised a general concern that more employees have been spending a significant amount of time at their workplaces. This essay will elaborate on the reasons for this phenomenon and analyse both sides of the issue. There are two main reasons that lead to worker’s overtime working. The primary reason is there are many working competitions between members in the company. In other words, one higher position requires a variety of conditions such as: achieve full target or fulfillment deadline which is due to a person entering into rivalry with another. One of the most effective ways is working harder to eliminate them. Besides, the daily expenditure such as: food, petroleum or school’s fees for children is rising day by day so working for extra hours is the best choice to boost their income. For instance, one factory worker’s salary per month is roughly 3 million VND but if he/she accepts working for longer hours their income will increase to 4 million VND. This strongly proves that working overtime may improve their life's qualities. This phenomenon has brought about some disadvantages to workers. Firstly, it can affect their family, decreasing work-life balance. To be more specific, if the employee is concerned about jobs, coming back home late regularly, he/she doesn't have any intimate conversations with their family. The result is that there might be familial conflicts or the most dangerous case can be is divorce. Furthermore, they have to sacrifice time, this means that they don’t spend time taking care of their children which can have many merits such as: their children can not receive love and upbringing from father/mother, becoming rebellious. On the contrary, working for longer times will achieve more money to have a better life. In conclusion, even though there exists a drawback to the imbalance in the worker’s life, it is my contention that the benefit from having a high income would outweigh the other.
The 21st century has witnessed an unprecedented increase in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
marketplace. This has raised a general concern that more employees have been spending a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their workplaces. This essay will elaborate on the reasons for this phenomenon and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both sides of the issue.

There are two main reasons that lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker’s
overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. The primary reason is there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
competitions between members in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
In other words
, one higher position requires a variety of conditions such as: achieve full target or fulfillment deadline which is due to a person entering into rivalry with another. One of the most effective ways is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
harder to eliminate them.
Besides
, the daily expenditure such as: food, petroleum or school’s fees for children is rising day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for extra hours is the best choice to boost their income.
For instance
, one factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker’s
salary per month is roughly 3 million VND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he/she accepts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for longer hours their income will increase to 4 million VND. This
strongly
proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life's qualities.

This phenomenon has brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Firstly
, it can affect their family, decreasing work-life balance. To be more specific, if the employee
is concerned
about jobs, coming back home late
regularly
, he/she doesn't have any intimate conversations with their family. The result is that there might be familial conflicts or the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
case can be is divorce.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, this means that they don’t spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
taking care of their children which can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits such as: their children can not receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and upbringing from father/mother, becoming rebellious.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
will achieve more money to have a better life.

In conclusion
,
even though
there exists a drawback to the imbalance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker’s
life, it is my contention that the benefit from having a high income would outweigh the other.
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IELTS essay It is observed that, currently more and more people are working longer hours. What are the causes of this phenomenon? What effects does this have on the society? .

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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